When it comes to negative emotions, at some point we get pulled down and perhaps mentally and emotionally injured. We can very well get drunk again, and like my first sponsor and another old timer, die. Like Bill W. said in the Eighth Step in the 12&12, we can get violent twists to our emotions, and end up with discolored personalities and lives changed for the worst.
I know when I came in from drinking alcohol and was seeking to stay sober, looking back, I was pretty much that way. I was on the edge to commit suicide because of the despair I was suffering from. But the gift of hope turned me around, and I tried to get better.
However I did not change overnight. Time took time. Fortunately I got an old timer for my next sponsor, who told me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. That became a wake up call for me. I tried to do change but I kept tripping up. That’s when my sponsor got me to start the Second Step. It introduced me to the spiritual way of life and my Higher Power.
Then, like the old timers learned back then, I was being taught how to change, so to slowly cut down the cruel impact of those negative emotions in my life. I learned to be able to catch any of these entering into me. Like resentments, anger, despair, fear, and a whole lot more. I began to learn to place my intellect over theses negative emotions, or, as they said to me, “I” over “E”.
My sponsor often said to me, that I was to think with my head and not my heart. I had to learn that I needed to think and not be taken over by these deadly feelings, which had been running my life and that I didn’t even have a clue that I was being ruled by them.
And, of course, this is where I had to continue to learn to live a spiritual way of life. To pray, meditate, and ask my Higher Power for the help I needed. I learned that in being dominated by these, I would for a while continue to continue to blame others for what I believed they did wrong, which made me be angry, even hate them. That was until I began to learn to let go of blame and step back and eventually learn to see the truth. Like the Tenth Step, in the 12&12, talks about the spiritual axiom, that lets us to see ourselves at fault, and not others. In fact, as I learned the hard way, that very often no one was at fault, but I was.
And, of course, I had to change. I had to be able to think in a very positive way. I had to be able to push these negative emotions out of me, with the help of my sponsor and those old timers, and especially my Higher Power. And I had to change from the negative to the positive. And share with others. Also I had to learn to stop my day and start it over, changing from the negative to the positive.
Finally, for now, I have to learn to do my primary objective in here. That’s to stay sober one day at a time. Not to project into the future, but stay right here in the now. I learned how bad results come from drifting off and trying to figure out what is ahead. That definitely begins to change our feelings and thoughts, and often can pull us right down into a negative emotion.
And, of course, I have to learn to go to meetings and listen and share. To be willing to reach out and help others, especially those who are trying to get sober. And to remember to be grateful for all the help I continue to receive, from my Higher Power, and all those who help me.