There’s a lot about living sober that I often think about. But the simplest thought is always my primary purpose. All other thoughts and all other things flow from that. To stay sober and help another suffering alcoholic. Or, at least try.
My sponsor would often talk to me about the suffering alcoholic. The new man or woman and the person with time, who has retreated within themselves and is holding things in, often out of fear of what others might think of them. I know that I have been one of those and never want to go through that kind of pain again. I know it better today as a dry drunk.
When I, and others like me, withdraw because of pride, as a result of anger, rage, self pity, resentment, we are on an emotional binge. Just like drinking.
As Bill said in the 10th Step in the 12&12, we can end up with hangovers, as a result of these emotional binges. His answer was to take an inventory of these excesses and be done with them. In other words, as I have experienced, talk to another alcoholic about these events before the dry drunk becomes a wet one.
In the book The Language of the Heart, Bill talks about the fourth part of this disease, the emotions. He writes about emotional sobriety and emotional maturity. So did my sponsor and a number of old timers I have met. They saw the solution for growing up emotionally as part of the Steps. I’m not sure I have ever arrived, but I do know what they are talking about. It’s about stability or balance. It’s about achieving and maintaining serenity, peace of mind. It’s about the spiritual life we have to live in order to maintain our sobriety. It’s about sobriety and beyond.
It began for me, when my sponsor would say to me, “think with your head and not your heart”. He would tell me that, when I was emotionally binging.
He was telling me not to let my feelings and my emotions take over and rule my life. He was telling me to stay sober.
I remember reading a meditation many years ago, which counseled the reader to place sentries around our minds, so that the emotions could not enter and destroy us from within. Those guardians are what Bill said, when he suggested that eternal vigilance is the price of sobriety. To be aware. To live in the now and not spend time in what is past or what might be in the future.
And, of course, to ask for help from the God of my understanding and those whom I’ve learned to counsel with in this program. To not hesitate to reach out and ask for help.
Like I said, I think about these things and they all begin with the simplest of thoughts and end there. To stay sober today and to be open to another needing the hand of AA. The new man and others in the program, who need our help.