Fear, honesty, faith, and humility. That’s what Bill wrote about and is collected in a small booklet. His thoughts are probably some of the best of the AA spirit. But it is humility which caught my attention.
What an elusive asset or virtue humility is. Ego reduction in depth. Bill emphasized the need for humility in the 7th Step in the 12&12. I understand what he was saying, when he said the humility expressed in our taking our 1st Step was just the beginning. He tells us that it’s going to require more and more humility as we go on in this program, if we want to stay sober.
Like I said, I recognize the need, but I sure don’t know if I have accomplished near enough of humility. My insufferable pride and being self centered are like a plague to me.
I think about myself too much. I find myself often balking at the things I need to do. The “ism” of my alcoholism is always present. I still have that ever present I want to do things my way.
When I can remember not to take myself so seriously, I get a break. That and being open to talk to another alcoholic helps me to break out of me. It helps, when I can be open. It cuts me down to size, when I am able to tell someone what’s really going on within me.
And then, when I stop talking, I can listen and be able to be willing to follow what the other person is telling me. That’s when I can go and sit and contemplate what I found out about myself.
I know all too well what the consequences can be, if I fail to strive for some kind of humility. A drink. I think that’s the incentive, which drives me to try to avoid my character defects. I know I constantly repeat this to myself: I never want to drink alcohol ever again. I pray and am committed to this thought. When I saw and experienced my bottom it was that, which convinced me to stop and never go there again. I never want to forget that and I fully recognize the need to always remember what that was like.
An absence of self, my ego, is probably not going to happen in this lifetime. But it is something I can aim for. I know that the 12 Steps and the spiritual principles within them are the way to achieving some modicum of humility. The more I attempt to grow along spiritual lines I know that I’m on the right path. But I can’t do it alone. I have learned that I need guidance. I have to put aside my intellectual pride and listen to someone else and follow some kind of directions, if I want to stay sober and live a sober life.
Anyway, I was thinking about humility today.