The sky is falling! Run for your life!
I got a call early this morning from a friend in AA. She told me about an exchange at a meeting, which got out of hand and ended in an argument outside the rooms. They were talking about the tenth tradition, about outside issues, and she told the group about her experiences. One of them was the promotion of the program of Back to Basics. She said that she had brought it up in a meetings a couple of times, because she felt it was an outside issue and had expressed her objections to it. Then had written the NY office and they replied that they could not express an opinion on outside issues. So, she told the group that she had learned to drop it, based on that answer and never mentioned it again. Instead of letting it go as stated, a man raised his hand and said that he objected to what was said, because he believed she was trying to run AA. It went down hill from there.
What is it about us that makes take so personally what is said in meetings? We’re immature, insecure, and oversensitive.
She was upset over this incident and the exchange which took place outside the meeting. She told me how angry it had made her and she didn’t want to keep these feelings, so she called me to dump it and get some help with her thinking. So, I told her the story of a good friend of mine. Whenever I get caught up in feelings like this, I try to remember it, because everytime I do it cracks me up. It helps me climb out of my feelings and get over them.
My friend told me about a time, when he got so angry that he wanted to get even. So he planned what he would do. He said he found himself, sitting on the ground in his driveway with a piece of hose, stuffing it with pebbles. His plan was that he was going to make a weapon and sneak up on the culprit and knock him over the head. Everytime he would tell me this story, the two of us would crack up. He said that here he was, a grown man, sitting in the middle of his driveway, stuffing pebbles in a hose. How ridiculous a thought. The outcome was equally as ridiculous and just as hilarious.
Alcoholics are like that. Our feelings are easily bruised, no matter what the justification. We are easily hurt and angered. We want to get even. I think we often think about how we can get back at the person, who so angered us. We forget that anger cuts us off from the sunlight of the Spirit and that places us in danger of taking a drink again. We tell ourselves and others that we were just angry and weren’t even thinking about a drink. Like thinking had anything to do with taking a drink! My experience tells me that I never spent much time thinking about picking up a drink. Nor did the stories of those, who told me about going back out.
What we do think about and store up in our heads is the person, who angered us and what we plan to do about it. The problem is that we plan to do something, whether by words or actions. The problem is that we might plan, but we can never predict the outcome of our plans. We have lost contact with our HP and our floating out there on an ocean of booze. It doesn’t seem that way to us, because we’re blinded by our focus and our plans.
For those moments, we’re no longer trudging on the highway of happy destiny. We’re drifting. Carried away on our little craft into currents we have no idea or control over. We’re out of control. Whether we are aware of it or not, we are totally powerless.
My friend of this morning recognized her position and called and asked for help. She hated how she felt and what her thoughts and feelings were doing to her. I believe the call she made was a prayer. I have long thought that everytime we make a call like that, we are really praying. I hope that I remember that the next time I find myself, like my other friend, sitting in the middle of my driveway, with a piece of hose in my hand, planning my revenge. He, too, made a call. He prayed and we laughed. So did she.
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