It’s amazing how much we all suffer from double vision. Like Chuck C. said, we need a new pair of glasses.
I know that I went through an horrendous time with this kind of stuff, especially with my worry, fears, and concerns for my oldest daughter’s welfare. After some twenty odd years of sobriety, I became consumed with trying to figure out a way of helping her out of her dilemma. My primary purpose began to fade into the background. And I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. I wanted to will the answer into reality. And that was the problem I couldn’t see: my will.
I didn’t realize that there was a titanic stuggle going on here; my will vs. God’s will. My prayers were “my will be done” and not “God’s will be done”. I forgot the lessons I had learned in this program, like MYOB. I forgot one day at a time.
But most of all, I forgot my primary purpose. I was suffering from double vision. I was trying to focus on two things at the same time, forgetting to keep it simple stupid.
That’s when a friend of mine said to me, “what part of God’s plan don’t you like?” I forgot “Thy will be done”. I think, from listening to others, that we all tend to get caught up in this stuff. We forget that if we don’t stay sober, we can do little to help others and just might die in the process.
Staying sober is my primary purpose and then to help other alcoholics to stay sober. This is serious business. It’s my only business. Without that as my daily goal, I’m in peril of losing this way of life. When I let another person to occupy my life, I become blind to all else there is in life. Sobriety is why I’m alive today. I can never afford to forget that.
I also forget, when I’m in a state of double vision, that the solution to all my problems is spiritual. When I get caught up in double vision, I find that all my character defects run riot. My self centeredness takes over and I’m cut off from the
sunlight of the spirt and in danger of taking that next first drink.
I hope that I will always remember that the most spiritual thing I can do today is not take that next first drink. That’s why I need to be at meetings to be reminded of this. I need the help of others to remind me always. I need to remember what brought me here and what keeps me here. God’s will, not mine.
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