I was thinking of two things this morning. My face and my hands. My face, because I try to remember to smile, whenever I enter a meeting. My hand because I know it’s important that I put it out to shake someone else’s. Those two things are important to me and I hope to someone else. Particularly if it’s someone new or someone coming back.
I can remember how important that was for me to see a friendly face, even though I was scared to death when I came in. And a warm handshake sealed the deal. I knew I was welcome and had arrived in a safe place. Safe from the alcohol which had followed me right up to the door of that first meeting. I was home at last.
I, also, remember how seriously I took myself. For a long time I remember how many called me “Depression Ned”. How glum I was. Never a smile on my face and how I kept my hands in my pocket or below the table. It was one thing for “them” to welcome me, but I was not in the habit of reciprocating.
But all that changed, thanks to the guidance of my sponsor Tom. He always had that cockeyed smile on his face and a hand out to everyone who came through the doors. And always greeted me in the same manner. Very gently, but firmly he led me through the process, which eventually became a way of imitating his moves. If imitation is the highest form of complimnenting someone, then I want to do that in his memory.
I was thinking about these two things today and thinking of how important this is to my sobriety. Doesn’t matter how I feel. I can always act as if. If I will do this daily, I know it will change my attitude, no matter what that is. It always reminds me that the most important thing I can do this day is not to take that first drink. It reminds me of why I came here. I came here to get sober and I want to stay sober for as long as I live.
Yet, I can only do this a day at a time. It’s one thing for me to ask my God to help keep me sober, and another thing to do something to demonstrate my willingness to stay sober. These two things, smiling and extending my hand, though a small step are one way I can do this.
Anyway, just thinking.