It’s really amazing what this program brought into my life. I look back at the BB and read about that meeting between the man we now know was Rowland H. and Dr. Carl Jung. The things Jung said to Rowland about the only way he could recover from his alcoholism. That vital spiritual experience he said that Rowland would have to undergo seemed so far away from me, when I came in. Even more strange to me was his statement about the huge emotional displacement, where ideas, emotions, and atttitudes would suddenly be cast aside and a whole new set of conceptions and motives would replace them. How could that be and would it work for me?
As time went on in this program, I kept finding nothing but the old me. It was frustrating to find that I still had the same old thoughts, the same old resentments, and building more as time went on, the same old anger. I wasn’t drinking, but I seemed to be getting nowhere.
And then it happened. Someplace between the sixth step and the ninth, a change took place. I think it was in the process of making my amends initially. I remember I had just left the office of one of my old employers, where I had gone in with a whole lot of anger and resentment, made my formal amends and left. I was approaching the elevator and was about to press the button to go down and I had a sudden realization. Something was different. The anger and resentment had disappeared. They were gone. It was like I couldn’t remember why I had these things. In fact, I couldn’t remember my anger and resentment for others. Moreover, I was beginning to lose sight of these other people, who I had to make amends to, had gone. If one of those people had entered the room at that moment, I knew I wouldn’t even recognize their presence.
My attitude towards other people had undergone a profound change. That’s when I was beginning, and only beginning, to undergo a profound change in personality. That psychic change Dr. Silkworth talked about at the beginning of the BB. I had begun to stop fighting everyone and everything. The sanity, talked about in the second step, was beginning to seep in. I was getting sober at last.
I was thinking about this today. What a day to realize what went on in this process we call sober living. Thanksgiving Eve. Now, there’s something for which to be grateful. And the process still goes on. Lots of stumbling and bumbling along the way, but hopefully moving forward.
I’m grateful for what has been given to me. despite my pratfalls. I have so many hands around me, who are willing to pick me up and help me move on in spite of myself. They are part and parcel of this awakening I am undergoing. They are constantly teaching me how to practice this program in all of my affairs. Without God and others, where would I be? I’d be back in that lousy attitude I came in with and would probably be dead from my drinking.
So, just for today I will be grateful to God and AA for all tha has been given to me. .