We were talking about sponsorship today and the relationship of the one who is sponsored and the person sponsoring. It got me to thinking of my relationships with my sponsor(s). Someplace in the literature it says that the twelfth step is not dependent on our state or condition. And, Bill said, that sponsorship is the half blind leading the blind. A rather imperfect picture. And, isn’t that the point.
My first sponsor got drunk, when I was two years sober. I was thinking about that today. Why he got drunk and then I suddenly realized that he was the classic example of “two stepping”. He was a great on twelfth stepping drunks. It was a time when there were no rehabs and few if any detoxes available. He would drag me around on all these twelfth step calls and we in turn would drag all these drunks in to meetings. But there was little or no talk about the steps or the BB. In fact, none. Yet, he was always at meetings. And then, one day, he got involved with a member of the opposite sex, who was slipping and sliding in and out of the program, because he said he thought he could sober her up. And then he was gone and the drink took his life away.
My second sponsor had almost 20 years sober and was a man, who walked the talk. In fact, he had been watching me from the day I came into the program. He came to me and said that I could follow my first sponsor’s example or that I could get sober. After that, I followed him almost anywhere. His message was simple: don’t take a drink and work the steps. I credit him with saving my life. He told me right from the beginning not to put him up on a pedestal. He also told me that if he ever were to pick up a drink I was to get as far away from him as I could, because he would take me down with him. I never forgot that. He was telling me that he was imperfect and he was only there to help me to stay sober.
I learned that I was not there to take his inventory. He said that he would tell me the truth as he knew the truth and that I was to return the favor. I could use him but not abuse him. He was my sponsor for 22 years, right up until he passed away with over 40 years in this program sober. I have never forgotten him or all that he gave to me from his words and example.
His message was always first things first. My primary purpose, which was sobriety. To read and study the BB and to practice these principles on a daily basis. He came to know when I was telling him the truth and when I was bs-ing him. He would get in my face and tell me when I was doing that.
He told me and others that we in AA were just the hand of hope and that the group was the hand of help. By ourselves we were powerless to keep another person sober, but that the group had that power. Yet, just his example and his simple suggestions were enough to keep me on track.
I could go on and on about all that I learned from this man, but that would take a book. But there is already a book; the Big Book. He lived it. I hope that I can do the same. That’s the hope I carry with me every day. I hope that each of you have the same.
Anyway, I was thinking about this, as always.