Joy is something I’ve been thinking about. The theme of the twelfth step. The question is always: do I enjoy this way of life? My answer is: yes. It doesn’t matter how I feel. I can be sad, I can be heartbroken, I can be feeling whatever is currently running through me, yet the state of joy is still there. It doesn’t go anyplace.
All of this is dependent on what I do each day. If my goal is to stay sober and I follow up on that with a meeting, then things are at an optimum. At meetings I get an opportunity to talk to others and practice the twelfth step. So, do they with me. It’s a two way street. That’s what Bill called the joy of living. He’s right.
Meetings alone won’t keep me sober. I need to apply these principles I learned through the practice of these twelve steps. But meetings give me an opportunity to be reminded that’s what I need to do. I have this leak in my brain and I can forget what it is I need.
I have been going to a chiropractor regularly over a number of years. I would go there once a week and what my chiropractor did was to maintain my condition in what was wrong. Recently I began to taper off these visits and stopped altogether. My back was feeling okay and I felt it was all right for me to stop. In no time I was in pain and could hardly walk. I’m back to the chiropractor and now going twice a week and hopefully he will be able to correct my condition.
I think that, from time to time, some of us go through the same thing with meetings. I did it early on a few times and learned my lesson. I’ve seen others do the same thing over the years and watched them eventually slip into dry drunks and nearly go crazy and not a few of them drank again.
Part of the question of what it means to maintain our spiritual conditions to merit the sobriety we enjoy is in regualr attendance at meetings. At least that has been my experience. Being able to sit in rooms with others like ourselves is so important to our state and condition in our lives. Sharing our sobriety and hearing others do the same seems to be at the heart of what we do to maintain our balance in life.
Bill tells us that happiness is a byproduct of right living. How can I possibly live rightly, if I depend on my own unaided strength? I can pray and ask God for help with this, but I have to go to others to hear the answer to my prayers. If I believe I have a direct pipeline to God and am hearing directly, I will find that I’m slowly slipping under the waves. I believe in the old saying that God helps them who help themeselves. For me that means helping myself to a regular schedule of meetings.
The most enjoyment I experience in this sober life is within. I discovered from my past way of living that what’s outside of me gave me little enjoyment. Only by living the AA way of life have I come to experience fulfillment. It came from within as a result of practicing this program in all its aspects.
I’m far from perfect or working this program perfectly. I fall far short on most days. I still have to laugh, when I think about receiving my chip tomorrow for my anniversary. Imagine: getting a medal for screwing up on a regular basis. Now, that’s what I enjoy most about this program. I can be free from a drink and trying to practice a spiritual life and at the same time be imperfect.
Anyway, just thinking about the joy of living.