Still Crazy After All These Years. I was reminded of that by an old friend of mine this morning. After 35 years of sobriety, she said she was still harboring this crazy stuff within. I could say “amen” to that. An old timer once said that he was still crazy, but no one would know it, as long as he didn’t drink.
On the other hand, I have been restored to sanity. I know this because the tenth step in the BB tells me that’s what has happened to me. I reached a point in working the steps that I stopped fighting everyone and everything, including alcohol. I no longer desire a drink and just the thought makes me recoil from it as I would a hot stove. I’m neither cocky nor afraid. What a gift. It just happened, like the BB said.
On the other hand, there is a lot of stuff that I can’t explain, except to say that my brain is hard wired differently than it seems to be for other folks. I think and react differently than they seem to do. I have a lot of stuff that comes up, like my anger and reactions to people, places, and things. But, still no thought of a drink. Isn’t that something!
I don’t have a clue how this program works. And, the longer I stay sober, this becomes more and more true for me. I’m baffled by its effects in my life. All I know is that it works.
I came across an article in the September 2007 Grapevine by an old acquaintance of mine from many years ago. He’s a man who has over 60 years of sobriety in AA. The title was “It Works For Me”. In it he quotes another old timer, who said “AA is sufficient in itself”. The important thing is to be actively working these steps in our everyday lives. In it he says, “If I’m drowning, I want a life preserver, not a serving of cotton candy philosophy or positive thinking.”
This reminds me of what I need to be bringing to each meeting I attend. I need to talk about the solution I’ve found in this program. I need to talk about my experiences with the twelve steps in my life. I need to tell others what I have found as a result of living and working this program. I need to tell them it works for me. That AA is sufficient in itself. How else to express gratitude for what I have found here. Grateful to God and the people in it, who have helped me through the years with their love and kindness.
I still may be crazy, but I’m sober today and glad to be a part of such a wonderful program. Anyway, I was just thinking about this and need to be grateful that I can identify with my friend and others just like her and like myself.