In the last few days I have been talking to a few people, who have brought up the problem of fear. That’s a subject I could spend the rest of my life talking about. That’s because fear was so pervasive in my own life. Bill spends a lot of time talking about this subject. Which is to say that this is probably one of the major defects we all have to deal with in one way or another.
The fear of alcoholic insanity is what drove me into the program. I came into this program and found that my whole life was all about fear. I don’t remember how long I was in when I was overcome with the fear of dying. I became subject to panic attacks, high anxiety, all kinds of phobias. There was a point, when I was afraid to leave the house. Agoraphobia had hit me. I could really relate to the story in the BB of The Man Who Overcame Fear.
These talks made me go back and think of what it was that eventually began to take these over the top fears away. Because we do begin to lose these fears. Or most of them. I still have a fear of bridges and heights. For the most part anyway. It’s starting to fade somewhat. Maybe because of age. I don’t really know. But Bill tells us that we will never be quite free of fear. In fact lack of fear is what leads to foolhardiness. That’s another defect I suffered from and I won’t go into that.
There’s no doubt that the steps were instrumental in eliminating a lot of these. Also the wise counseling I received from a wonderful spiritual woman, who led me through Cognitive Therapy, where I began to learn to reverse my thinking and do what my sponsors recommended to put the I over E. Intellect over the emotions. Think with your head, my sponsor Tom used to tell me. Think with your head and not your heart. I learned from the steps and and the woman Kathleen to not let my feelings or emotions to tell me what to think. Quite the reverse.
However, there is no doubt the solution, which was offered, to conquer my drinking problem, the second step of reliance on a Higher Power was basic to all of this. Each step in surrender took me closer to this solution, not only of drinking alcohol, but of letting go and lessening the power of fear over my life. It was exactly like the man in the above story, when he said, everything had changed and nothing had changed, when he made that commitment to God.
It reminds me of the thought that all our problems can be solved by the application of spiritual principles. Experience has taught me that. My only problem is to remember that.
Fear is just another reminder of what is wrong with us..me. The fourth part of this disease. It’s also a disease of emotions. And like Bill said, if God could remove the drink problem, how much more he can do if we will but ask him. It takes humility, the opposite of pride and arrogance; the surrender of self reliance.
Anyway, I was thinking about this today and remembering what has worked in my life. I need to be grateful for all that has been given to me and all that has been taken away.