One of the struggles I had, when I came into this program, was how to listen. Up to this point, I had only listened to one person: myself. I had all the answers. I knew everything. Now, I was going to have to learn a modicum of humility and listen to others. I can remember, early on, sitting in meetings and trying to concentrate on each person as they spoke. Not a few came up to me after meetings to ask if I was angry. No, I was just trying to concentrate and listen to the speakers.
On top of learning to listen to someone elses thoughts and suggestions, was another problem. A closed mind. If I knew everything and had all the answers, others ideas weren’t welcome. I was going to have to learn to overcome this barrier too.
What turned it all around? First the pain of drinking and my bottom. I was forced to come to the rooms and the meetings and find out what I could in order to stay sober. I was desperate. Only listening and learning were going to help me accomplish this. Often it was going to take a dressing down and getting cut down to size to help me do this. In other words, humiliation to learn a little humility.
Why was I thinking about this today? Talking to a friend of mine today, reminded me of my problems in listening. I sometimes still have them. There are times someone says something I don’t necessarily agree with and my mind wants to slam the door shut. There are times, when my mind seems to drift off into my own thinking. And there are times, when I hear something and find myself following that thought into a form of meditation, during the meeting. This last thing is often one of the more constructive form of learning something from these meetings.
A very important part of my sobriety is listening. Learning to listen and listening to learn. Listening to others is a many faceted thing. Listening to the old timers. Listening to the newcomers. Listening to people I sponsor. Listening to my sponsors. But most of all, sitting quietly and trying to listen to my higher power.
Anyway, I was thinking today of how important listening is to my sobriety. There are times it takes some effort and times when I am fully attentive to those who speak to me. But I know if I will just do it I am the one who benefits the most.