Not a day goes by when I find that sobriety and this program are not on my mind. It’s funny in a way, because that was the way alcohol filled my mind, back before I came here.
But, this time it is different. Alcohol was an obsession and a compulsion. This time I find that it takes a conscious effort on my part. It’s a decision. A choice. A willingness, which is inspired by gratitude for what was so freely given to me. My sobriety. Not so much inspiration as perspiration.
There is also another element, which keeps my attention focused on sobriety. It’s the most compelling reason of all. If I forget my primary purpose, I am probably condemned to go back to the drink. And, since I’ve already seen it happen, I know Bill W. is right. For us to drink is to die.
I am reminded each and every day that this freedom from alcohol, that is my experience, is rooted in a spiritual way of life. It’s not based on how much money I make or any other material gains I might be able to attain. It’s really based on how dependent I have become on a higher power; the God of my understanding. All the result of applying the 12 Steps of this program to my life.
I know this can become routine, this thinking this way. In fact, I know it can become old hat, this repetition of the same old same old. It can lead to becoming bored and complacent. So, it is up to me to renew and refresh my thinking and my actions on a daily basis. I have on many occasion fallen into the trap of losing my attention and walking around and living in a trance.
Sleep walking is the term I have heard used by some old timers.
So, today I was thinking about this and staying in the now. Living just this one day and understanding that I am not cured of this disease of alcoholism. The daily reprieve which is given to me is totally dependent on practicing a spiritual way of life.
I was just reminding myself of this and how I have to get off my duff and put it into action.