Oversensitive

To me it is absolutely amazing how sensitive alcoholics are to everything. Or, like my sponsor used to say, oversensitive. Maybe hypersensitive. Someone gives us the “wrong” look or says the wrong thing and we take it so personally. We feel wounded, as if we had been shot. And then comes the hurt feelings, followed by anger and resentment.

I was thinking about this today, as we discussed this at a meeting. Why are we so vulnerable to such things? And the answer is probably as complex as we are. First of all, most thought it had to do with our egos. Our being so self centered. Our wounded pride. I could agree with that. I know how self important I can be. Caught up in myself.

No wonder we’re told how ego deflation in depth is so important. I can’t seem to get out of my own way at times. I often forget Rule #62: “Don’t take yourself too damn seriously.” When I do, I make myself so vulnerable to all kinds of words and “slights”.

If I don’t want to end up drinking again, I’m going to have to get over me. I’m too much for me. When I’m that way, I have to talk to someone and then pick up the tools of this program and get honest with myself. It starts with the 2nd Step and that other part of the insanity that is left over, after I have been restored to sanity. That insanity of drinking. That was taken care of through the grace of God and the Steps. But there’s the other craziness, which results in my character defects. That’s when I need to look at the 10th Step. Whenever I’m disturbed, there’s something wrong with me.

I know one thing, which helps to get me cut down to size and a better perspective of myself. I often go to the mirror, during the day, look at myself, stick my tongue out, cross my eyes, and laugh at myself. I tell myself how much of a jerk I can be and walk away with a smile. It works for me.

I was thinking about this, after a young woman brought up the topic of having her feelings hurt by something someone said to her. Again, if I want to stay sober, I have to listen to the truth about me. And my sponsor told me the truth, when he said that the alcoholic is immature, insecure, and oversensitive. But it’s also true that the 12 Steps and the spiritual awakening have allowed me to walk past that. Yet I know I can return to that state in a heartbeat, when I think only about me.