Years ago my sponsor had occasion to say to me, “What’s your concern?” I had written a letter to a national network, about something said about alcoholism, which I knew was wrong. I was befuddled by his question. Of course it was my concern. But I was wrong. My only concern was whether I would stay sober or not, and learn and do the right thing.
Bill W. had asked a group of men the same thing, when they showed up and wondered why some of the old timers in their group were not there anymore. His question to them was, “What’s your concern?” Were they ready to step up?
And when a friend of mine once again had a discussion about old timers, I saw AA as a relay race. Sooner or later the man in front has to pass the baton back to the man behind him, who is going to take the lead. And he in turn will pass the baton back to the man behind him.
The reason I was thinking this is because of what my sponsor said to me a long time ago. He and a group of men had gone on a retreat. During that retreat they had had a meeting about, who they saw as the next one, who would become that old timer. What he told me shocked me. He said it was myself. Of course I had two reactions. One was ego inflation and the other was ego deflation. I thought it was the craziest thing I had ever heard. I can’t remember how much time I had back then, but I sure didn’t think I fit that bill. Not me anyway, and eventually I forgot about it.
But time passed and I’m still sober and today I realized I am that old timer, whom my sponsor talked about so many years ago. And here is the problem, as I saw it. Sooner or later, neither my friend or I will be here anymore. And who is going to carry the AA message, not only how this program works, but why? For instance, why does the 12th Tradition say that anonymity is the spiritual foundation of this program? Why is that important? And what do we know about the other Traditions?
There’s more. What did Bill say in that bar on the day he drank again, when he began his last drunk? Is it important? Could be. And what stories do I remember that were told to me along the way? Are they important? They might well be. I know that I found them important and I often tell them in groups or to others. There’s a whole kind of “history”, which never made it down on paper. I remember Nancy S., telling me about her first meeting with Bill W. She was shaking, when she stepped up to shake his hand. Bill was tall and she was short. He bent down and said to her, “Why are you trembling, Honey?” She told him that she was nervous just meeting with him. He replied, “Look, Honey, I’m just another drunk just like you.” What does that say about the 12th Tradition?
What’s my concern? I would like to believe that AA will still be active, strong, and viable, after I’m gone. I would hope that it will be available to help others down the road. Perhaps some of my heirs. Some of us know what happened to the Washingtonian Society, who, as Bill pointed out, almost had the answer to alcoholism back a century ago. But, though they had a huge membership, it collapsed, because they got involved in outside issues. They forgot their primary purpose. Oh, yeah, it’s written up in the Traditions.
I still am committed to my primary purpose to stay sober and to try to help another alcoholic. But I do have concerns.