This morning I thought of the Third Step. Something I try to do daily. The thought of doing God’s will for me. That led me to think about the direction I should be going and the way I shouldn’t be going; specifically my character defects.
I remembered my old sponsor telling me, when I responded to something he had said with the word “can’t”. He said that the word “can’t” meant “I won’t”. Recalling that, I remembered something from the 12&12, where Bill, in the Sixth Step, talks about moving toward God’s will for us. He was speaking about our getting ready to be done with some of these defects and working toward perfection. Delay in doing this, he says, may be dangerous and rebellion could be fatal. Meaning a drink.
That combined with my sponsor’s words about “can’t” and “won’t” led me to think about the words “do” and “don’t”. What it is I should do and what it is I shouldn’t. Sounds a little harsh. After all, no matter how hard I might try to reach perfection in this life, there is little chance I ever will. After all, though I might not be guilty of outright rebellion, there is still something of the rebel still within me.
A while back, I adopted the word “don’t” into my dealings with my character defects. For instance anger. When that comes up, one of the first things I think of is “don’t”. Not just don’t go there, but in terms of response to my anger. And that’s what I try to remember with my other character defects. “Don’t”. And then “do” something which is totally contrary to that defect.
All this is combined with the Seventh Step. There are moments when I need to bring both Steps. In fact I need the back up of Ten and Eleven and even Twelve in some cases.
If I’m to stay sober, I find myself having to deal with defects on a fairly regular basis. I can find myself not minding my own business and judging others. Self righteousness can rear it’s ugly head in a moment. Resentment can cause all the above. Even guilt, looking for ways to deflect that and blame others. A host of these defects are there at any time I let my guard down and become complacent. There is no way I want to surrender to them and pick up a drink again as the result.
I’ve often said that it’s not my assets, which have kept me sober. It’s my character defects. They’ve often kept me on my toes and aware, because I have found myself busy taking care of them. In fact, my assets can lead to trouble. I can become so involved with them that they end up becoming defects in my life. They can lead me to pride and ego and back to becoming selfish and self centered.
Anyway, I was thinking about “do’s” and “don’t’s” today. Writing about them focuses my attention on them. It’s all about sobriety.