What’s the use? That was a thought, which occurred to me frequently, when I was out there drinking. As time went on and the more I drank, this thought almost became a constant theme. I was always giving up near the end.
But, when I had received the gift of hope before I came here, that train of thought left me. And, when I came through the doors five days later, that promise of hope was solidified. I saw the evidence of what could be in store for me and it eliminated all negative thinking.
However, as time went on and I was troubled by seeming insurmountable problems and burdens, that thought came back. What’s the use? Why go on? In fact, early on, perhaps in my first or second year, I remember pulling back from meetings and thinking this would never work for me. I was even resentful of the people in my group and thinking they were phonies. Fortunately I woke up and went back after a couple of days. That thought hasn’t occurred since. The words from the BB, “self will run riot” comes to mind as well as, “at some of these we balked”.
Of course the answer to this is so simple. Grow and improve in this spiritual way of life we all live. “What’s the use?” is an invitation to a drink. The return to insanity. The insanity, which this program, through the use of the Twelve Steps, removes with the arrival of the spiritual awakening.
I was reminded of that phrase by some things I heard this week. Not that anyone said that, but in the attitude I was witnessing in some. Those words weren’t there, but not far off. Of course I could be wrong. I often am. But I am grateful that I found the solution to those words, “What’s the use?”. It all began with the Second Step, “came to believe”.
I have one question. Why would I want to go back to that way of life? What I found here is so much more rewarding than anything I can imagine. Today alcohol cannot solve or answer anything in my life. The comfort, the peace, the happiness, the joy I have been given is beyond any expectations I ever had. I can only be grateful to my higher power and my fellow alcoholics for what they have done to support me in every phase of my life. It’s always about sobriety.