This is a hard subject to address, but someone at the meeting today said they were planning on going out and drinking again. That was only part of what was wrong. The other part, as one long time sober woman pointed out, was what was wrong spiritually.
When she said it, I knew exactly what she was talking about. I’ve been there several times and I know many others, who have gone through the same thing. She said “the dark night of the soul”. When it seems God has gone to another part of the universe and left us alone to fend for ourselves. That feeling of emptiness. Like we’re in the desert and left wandering around.
Is that an invitation to a drink or what? Fortunately for me, when I was going through a couple of these, I had a spiritual director. I should say two, who didn’t know each other, but when I presented what was going on in my life, they both said the same thing.
Not only is our faith tested, but our sobriety. Just as the person today. I’ve learned over time, by experience and study, that this can happen to those, who are pursuing a spiritual life. When it happens, it is extremely important that I be prepared to persevere no matter what I have to go through. Hang in and not give up. My higher power hasn’t gone anywhere. I just need to not lose faith in what has kept me sober all this time.
Anyway, as I sat and listened to others today, I couldn’t help but think of what that woman said. Like my sponsor said to me at one time, “No one told you that this would be easy.” At times we have to stand up and be counted. Am I willing to go to any lengths to stay sober? The answer is still yes. All I have to do is to go back and look at where I came from and what drove me into sobriety. If nothing else, my bottom is enough incentive to spur me on no matter what.
As one spiritual writer once said, when our hearts turn to stone, that’s when we really learn how to pray.