Talking about our character defects, which started with a discussion of the Fourth Steps and on to the Fifth and then the Sixth and Seventh, brought a lot of things to mind. Especially after the meeting, when a friend and I sat down and talked about these very things.
One of the things I thought about, as we talked, was what the BB said about things we need to look out for in the Tenth Step. Fear, resentment, selfishness, and dishonesty. All those were evident in our talk. Amazing what those old timers knew about our problems. Yet, as long as I have been sober, these are the very things which seem to pop up regularly. So to with my friend. Still imperfect.
What we talked about, as we went on, was about finding a way to avoid these. Of course we spoke about prayer and meditation to begin our day and end it. For me, I have found a way to better concentrate in the morning and evening. It begins with praying for others, who are in need due to illness in particular.
Once that is done the next step to meditation is much easier.
We both suffer from mental wandering all over the place. That’s why I write. It enables me to focus and pay attention to what I’m thinking and doing.
But back to our thoughts on our defects. There is need to pay attention and be aware of what our failings are. If I am aware I am able to anticipate my thoughts and actions. It’s forgetting that I am prone to these defects, which is the primary problem. It’s something that I have to remember every day, just as I have to remember that my foremost problem is alcohol. It’s these very defects, though not as intense as they once were, which can lead me back to that very thing; alcohol.
Fear, dishonesty, resentment, and selfishness. It’s about sobriety and always will be. The answer is honesty, humility, courage, willingness, and commitment. What am I willing to do to stay sober? What are my intentions?
Anyway, it all boils down to my spiritual condition. Though I don’t really know what that is, if I’m at least thinking about it, I must be on the right road.