Sometimes it is discouraging, when I see someone “coming back”. Especially when it’s someone I know and like.
But I do know what it’s like, when the call of alcohol overwhelms us and our thinking is dominated by the insanity of that next drink. I can well remember how it was with me before I found this program. The inability to resist. The lack of will power in the face of alcohol itself. It was hell. I could see that on the face of the man I saw today. He looked like he was suffering from that hell of drinking again.
I couldn’t get the thought of him out of my head. I can still see his face and the defeat he was suffering from was in his posture.
He was a great Twelfth Step for me. He reminded me in everything he seemed to be suffering from that I never ever want to go through what he’s going through. I never want to drink again.
As much as I hate it, I think it’s healthy to be able to witness this kind of example of what it is that is waiting for me, if ever I would slide back into the insanity of that next drink. A couple of people spoke of this, when they referred to the Second Step today. The need of a belief and a reliance on a power greater than themselves to restore us to sanity.
Not just the surrender to our being powerless over alcohol, but the humbling of ourselves to recognize that there is no way I could have gotten sober on my own. I needed a total commitment to the God of my understanding and this program. The willingness to go to any lengths to change, who and what I was, through the action of these Twelve Steps. The spiritual awakening this program talks about, which brought about the necessary changes.
Anyway, as selfish as it sounds, I was glad I was sober and that it wasn’t me sitting in his place today. I can only hope he can grab on to what this program offers us all; a way out of hopelessness and despair through the solution being offered to him today.