Ego I was told stood for Easing God Out. I hated that, when I first heard it. Who me? Why would someone say that to me?
I was thinking about that at a meeting today. Someone was feeling too busy and too harassed. Why? And it came to me. It was ego. Self centered-ness. Resentments, anger, at whoever they felt was putting a burden on them.
When I was told I had too big an ego and it was all about me, I was ready to blame anyone but myself for feeling imposed upon. I couldn’t see that it was my way of denying self pity, feeling sorry for myself. Anger was always my response.
I looked back at what I had witnessed any number of times, when someone who was involved in this program, who had time in and who got so angry at someone, that they went right out and drank again. I know now that their anger had cut them off from the sunlight of the spirit, the insanity returned, and they drank again.
Every morning I try to remember to say that line from the Third Step Prayer, relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better serve Thee. And there’s my problem. Me.
Dr. Harry Tiebout, the psychiatrist, who helped AA in so many ways, talked about the alcoholic and his or hers problem with the ego. He spoke about ego reduction in depth. The need to achieve some degree of humility. The willingness to be honest and look at how we have a part in all of our problems. Sometimes the whole thing. It sure described me while I was drinking and I brought that into the program with me. My ego.
Anyway, that was what I thought about, when it came my turn to talk. How we can magnify and point the finger at someone else’s part in what we see as a problem. It’s their fault not mine.
The solution is clear. I have to practice these principles in all of my affairs, if I want to stay sober. If I want to achieve peace of mind and serenity. I have to get honest with myself and stop giving myself excuses. It’s not only the spiritual axiom in the Tenth Step, but it goes right back to the Second Step and believing in a power greater than myself. Wow! There’s something greater than me? There better be.