What is it that wants to keep me from viewing myself, as I really am, just an ordinary person? Nothing special. Just another alcoholic among a group of alcoholics. And the answer is my ego.
I was reading a letter to the Grapevine by Bill W., in which he talks about this. He quotes the psychiatrist Dr. Harry Tiebout. Tiebout talked about our egos and the need to cut them down to size. Of course this is just another truth I need to surrender to and accept. I’m just another drunk. Nothing special about me.
In the 12&12 Bill writes in the Fourth Step about the result of what happened to us, when we were out there drinking and exercising our big mouths and our egos. This is paraphrasing his words, that it is from our broken and twisted relationships we have suffered the most. That with family, friends, and society at large. Then he says that we have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. All the result of our considering ourselves something special.
As a result of getting sober and working these Twelve Steps into my life, I know that I have changed. That’s all well and good, but it takes a daily application of these Steps and the principles to maintain my status of being ordinary. I had to learn to mind my own business and keep my nose out of the business of others. To keep my mouth shut and my opinions to myself. Ego deflation in depth.
I can’t do this unless I’m willing to do what this program asks of me. One of those is the Eleventh Step, which is the subject of the letter Bill wrote. Seeking to improve my conscious contact with the God of my understanding through prayer and meditation. Particularly meditation. In other words, willingness.
Anyway, I was thinking about this today, as a result of the meeting I just attended. That was pretty much the subject. Keeping our mouths shut and away from anger and resentment in order to stay sober. Taking the “high road”, as a number of people suggested today. Not always the easiest road to travel for someone like me. I think I’m doing it better, but there’s always room for improvement. Fortunately I have a lot of friends in this program, who are perfectly willing to remind me just how ordinary I really am. I need all the help I can get.