To some it might seem tiresome to go over that First Step time and again. The idea of being powerless. Haven’t we heard this before any number of times?
I could be wrong. Maybe this is just what we all need to hear again and again. After all none of us are cured or invincible to alcohol. I still remember the story of that woman, who was shot and saved by a surgeon. A friend spoke to the surgeon and thanked him for saving her friend’s life. “She’ll recover,” the physician said. “But she still isn’t bulletproof.”
That’s the story of me. I’m still not bulletproof. Alcoholism can still take me down, if I ever forget. Forget that I’m powerless.
I know what that insane urge is to take the next drink. I don’t want to forget that. I don’t know how many thousands of nights I couldn’t get out of the barroom and go home to where I belonged, even though I wanted to go. The booze held me hostage. It was crazy. I was crazy. Insane.
I was thinking about this today, because we have had a number of people, who are apparently arguing with themselves and bringing it up. It made me think about what the BB said about those of us who have grave emotional and mental disorders. but they too can recover, if they have the capacity to be honest.
The capacity to be honest. That may not sound too difficult, but it must be for some. I know that it took a long time for me to get honest with myself about my alcoholism. It took a severe bottom, a lot of pain, to get my attention and ask for help. What’s that say about me?
So, when I hear this subject about being powerless, I’m open to this subject. I don’t think we can hear about it enough. Because, when it does come up, so does the talk about the solution. That’s what really gets my attention. I need to hear about the Second Step and a higher power, who could restore me to sanity. The doorway to the rest of the Steps and the spiritual awakening.
I’ve been listening and hearing this First Step over and over for years and it still seems fresh to me. I don’t ever want to get complacent about my disease. It’s still down there within me just waiting to take me back out. Being aware is one of my best defenses. I’m so ever grateful for this program and the people in it, who are willing to go to any lengths to help me stay sober. Even the ones, who don’t know that’s what they’re doing.