The meeting today turned my thoughts on a subject, which I believe is the most important element of this program, but the most difficult to understand. Spirituality.
For my part, I have my own thoughts and conceptions. I think they’re not incompatible with some of what I heard today. To a degree they are influenced by my time years ago, when I was living a spiritual life. But that time passed away with a drink and only twenty some years later was I reintroduced to this way of life. Again? Somewhat.
Like everyone else in this program, I came in spiritually bankrupt. This disease affected all of us the same way. Physically, mentally, and spiritually. I had a soul sickness. To me that’s the key. The soul.
Like some others, I believe my soul is me. And it’s the spirit, my higher power, which supports me, my soul in my sobriety. That’s my take on this. My thoughts. It’s not something I talk about a great deal. I’m not here to influence, teach, or change any ones mind. Everyone has to find their own way. Their choice. Like the BB says, as long as it makes sense to them.
All of this did not come easy to me in this program. I made it difficult. I resisted this way of life. It’s not why I came here. I came to stop drinking and nothing else. When I found out that in order to stay sober I would have to live a spiritual life, I balked. I feared that this would turn me into a “holy Joe” of some sort. Not up my alley by a long shot. So I analyzed a lot. Like is said, analysis leads to paralysis. That was me.
What I didn’t know was that unconsciously this spiritual process was already underway within me. Before I stepped through the doors I had already had a spiritual awakening. I was not aware of this and only learned later what had happened. Anyway, I still resisted.
But time and the Steps did their work, just as it is written in the BB. I changed. But the change and my thoughts on all of this is still in process. It’s the way this program works for me and probably all of us. My concept of a God of my understanding is always evolving. How I understand anything is still moving along.
Of this I am certain, I owe everything to my higher power. And my higher power is all the people I have met in this program, who have influenced me and continue to teach and still support me. But that’s only part of it. The God of my understanding is not only responsible for my being sober, but He works through the people in here. That’s my idea. How I conceive it. Like I said, what others believe is their privilege and I have no argument with that. I’m just one person.