The BB tells me something that was true for me. It says that, concerning the Steps, at some of these we balked. I did. Why? I just didn’t want to accept what I had to do.
A reading today said that these Steps, the way to get sober and stay sober, were just suggestions. Suggestions? My sponsor and those old timers told me, yeah, they may be suggestions in this program, but there were a helluva lot of you betters. That got my attention, but it took time to change my attitude.
I was thinking today about my attitudes, as they are now, and as they were then in the early days of sobriety. I was full of anger back then. Stubborn as a mule. But that changed over time. Somehow I acquired some humility. Maybe not much, but enough to get me by. That was the result of the work my sponsor and others did on me.
I remember my sponsor telling me that he had to use a two by four up the side of my head, just to get my attention. Must have been true, because I began to hear what he was saying.
One of those things was to change my attitude. I had a bad attitude. It was when I began to take these Steps seriously and begin to apply them to my life that my attitude began to change. I became willing to do what was asked of me. I know that deep down what was driving me forward was the fact that I never wanted to drink again. Guess what? I haven’t so far.
I’m not always willing to accept many things today. I mean I’ve gotten better, but all I have to do is to look at the fact I still get resentments. That definitely tells me something. There’s something I’m unwilling to accept. When I refuse to accept it’s because something is blocking me. I often find myself angry and frustrated at whatever it is. Then I aim it at someone or something.
That’s where the spiritual solution has to come in. I find I have to become willing, no matter how I feel. It’s time to use my head and not my heart. Someone said today that it’s in the Serenity Prayer. What I can change and what I can’t. That wisdom to know the difference.
I know I don’t have to like what I have to accept. I just have to accept it. It snowed today and it was cold and wet going to the meeting and coming back. I decided that I would let it snow. Hmm.
Something must be working. The 2nd Step. My higher power helping me back into some sort of sanity. Makes me grateful for all the help I get.