One of the things which happened because I got sober was that I changed. That was the result of putting this program into action through the practice of these 12 Steps. However it’s a day at a time. It’s a process for me. And that process hopefully progresses over time. And part of that progress is what helps me get better.
One of the things is that it helped me to grow closer to others, both in this program and without. I grew to care for my fellow man. And that caring has become an important part of me. Not just in helping other alcoholics, or trying to help them. The truth for me is that I began to develop friendships with some of the people I learned to care for. I was able to forge real bonds of affection and love for them and them for me.
I was thinking about this today, while writing to others and talking to some of them. What made me think of this is that I have friends and acquaintances of mine, who have problems with which I cannot help. They have illnesses or need for surgery.
That reminded me of what I have to do. The only thing I can do, which is to pray for them. I’m powerless and have to turn them over to my higher power. Not an easy task for me, as time goes on.
Always a stumbling block for me is my memory. I mean the list has grown over time. Sooner or later I’m going to have to write some of these names down. I know for me that I need to say their names and who they are, not for the God of my understanding, who already knows. At least that’s my belief. But for me to grow in my faith and trust in my higher power. I know it’s not up to me. The results that is. So when I say, “Thy will not mine be done” that I can let go of it and leave it in his hands.
This is part of my sobriety. In fact I believe sobriety is all about relationships and learning to care. The practice of these principles in all of my affairs. That’s the goal. In practice I know how imperfect this is on my part. All I can do is try to do my best. I’m aware how I stumble and fumble with my faults. They still pop up and get in my way. Distracting me from my real purpose in practicing this program.
Anyway, I was thinking about how one of my “jobs” is to care for others. A long long way from where I was, when I came into these rooms. Sometimes these prayers I have to say is to help me overcome some mental or emotional separation from others. Like a resentment.
It’s part and parcel of my sobriety. And I am grateful for all of this.