Last night I was reading and article by Dr. Harry M. Tiebout, a psychiatrist friend of AA in the early days. One of the things he talked about was anonymity and it’s effect on our egos. He said that the alcoholics needed desperately to deflate their egos to avoid that next drink.
He pointed out that early on, when the early members of the program attained a year, they often got drunk. Why? Because they felt they were something special.
I thought a lot about what he was saying. Anonymity and humility and that need for me not to think of myself as something special. Like my sponsor told me a long time ago, that I needed to accept praise and condemnation the same way. To accept both of them and let them go. Not to be disturbed by either. Neither high nor low.
That can be difficult I found. Especially, if it’s coming from someone close to me. I got a dose of that today. I sat there and just listened. I made a decision to let them do whatever and let it go. At first it began to be disturbing, but I realized that it had nothing to do with me today. The amends had already been made and I realized this person had no program. So, why wouldn’t they still cling to this stuff?
I’ve also had a recent bout with praise. I had spoken at a convention and I’ve heard over and over again what those in attendance said and what others have told others. I did exactly in that instance and the one above what my sponsor told me.
I’m also aware of Bill W’s. thoughts on the ego and how our emotions affect it.
Often I remind myself that I’m nothing special. I’m just another drunk trying to stay sober, just like the members of the group. No different. It’s the “we” of this program, which reminds me of this. It doesn’t matter how long I’ve been sober. There are a lot of people around the same time in that group with me. Besides, if someone wants to get sober and is in this program, they’re just like me or me them.
Tiebout also talked about the need to cut our egos down to size and get some humility, if we want to live a spiritual life and receive the benefits of this program.
Additionally last night I was standing out back and looking up at the sky. The stars were all out and, as I stared at them, I saw the red lights on a plane many thousands of feet above me. The thought hit me, as I stood there, how infinitely tiny I am. If I looked at the trees and the house, I have one sense of measurement. But millions of light years away from those “tiny” stars? Talk about ego deflation.
Anyway, I as I sit here writing these words, my thoughts go to my higher power and the miracle, which overcame the seemingly impossible. Because of him, I got sober. I couldn’t do that, but he could and did. I’m grateful and it’s another thought I can take in as a reminder that I’m a small part in this program. There are so many just like me in here.
Like everything in this program, I still have my imperfections, but reminders like this bring me back to reality. I need them everyday, because I want to stay sober and grow along spiritual lines.