Had to think about my morning prayers and my meditation. It included the thought that it doesn’t matter what I feel, but what I do.
That thought has pretty much always been around with me, but today I had some difficult decisions and actions I had to take. First off, I decided that no matter what I ran into today, I would be cheerful and smile. And I did. It also meant that whatever I was asked to do, I would do it. And I did. Even though none of these were things I felt like doing. Just the opposite.
I once again thought of a prayer a friend of mine said. “Thank you for all you have given me; thank you for all you have taken from me; and thank you for all you have left me.” And added to that was a prayer I once heard to the God of my understanding. “Yes, God, yes. Yes, yes, and always yes.” This despite the fact that I didn’t feel like it.
Through my time in this program I have learned that I often have to go against my feelings. My emotions. If I let them dominate me, they will end up doing my thinking for me. I learned from my sponsor and a lot of those old timers to think with my head and not my heart.
Like love and gratitude, it doesn’t matter what I’m feeling. Just do it, was what I was told. And to start my day out with positive thoughts and actions. When I do, I find myself enjoying the day ahead for the most part. Nothing is perfect, but nothing happens, if I don’t give it a shot.
The only caution in all of this is, when in doubt don’t.
Anyway, this is all about sobriety to me. AA taught me to change through these 12 Steps. And the change was for the better. It also taught me to grow along spiritual lines. That was my goal today. I hope I was able to do some of that.