A conversation with an old friend in the program reminded me of an old story. I had read this story somewhere along the line and I’m not sure where it came from.
We were talking about problems we in this program have to face from time to time and our reaction to these. He said that problems in the emergency room in hospitals are real problems. Near death experiences are problems. But, he said, we can misplace a broom or a snow shovel and it will drive us nuts. We get angry and are not easily reconciled to how minimal our problems really are.
That reminded me of this story. It takes place back in medeival Japan in a small village. Two families living close to each other, when one of the family’s son, is suddenly called into the military and rushed off to the capital to serve in the army of the Mikado. Meanwhile the daughter in the other family is found to be pregnant and soon delivers a child. The family wants to know who the father is, and she, rather than tell them the truth says it is an old monk, who lives in a cave nearby.
The family and the rest of the village rush out to the monk’s cave and curse and throw stones at him for what they believe he is guilty of. The young woman’s pregnancy. His response, bruised and bleeding from their attack, is to say quietly, “Ah, so”. So the monk is segregated from the village and spends a miserable year, barely able to get food. And everytime people go by his cave, they yell curses at him. His response is always the same, a quiet “Ah, so”.
Finally the young man from next door returns from the Mikado’s army and tells the family of the young woman that he is the father of their daughter’s child and he wants to marry her. Both families are stunned and so is the whole village, when they find out the truth. Eveyone gets food and supplies together and take them to the old monk, along with their apologies for what they did and how they wronged him in the first place. The old monk simply smiles and makes a bow and says, “Ah, so”.
When I finished telling him this story, my friend said that alcoholics like us would not respond in the same way. We would get angry and want revenge. We would get resentments and want to get even. No humility in response and no sense of calm. That old monk is not us. And just maybe we would get drunk again.
Like my sponsor always told me about my problems, when I would tell him what was going on. He would say something like, “Did you kill anyone? Have you had a drink today?” I would say no and he would say, “Then what’s your problem? You’ve had a good day.”
When I have my problems, you’d think I was that old monk and his problems. But my response to having to pay a bill, or worrying about my children, or whatever comes into my mind, is not ever that humble and quiet answer the old monk had. It’s way out of proportion to what I’m thinking and worrying about.
Another of my old sponsor’s responses to my whining to him was for him to say just that. “Why are you whining? Why did you come here?” I would say to get sober. “And are you?” I would say yes. And then he’d say, “Then cut your whining out. You’ve got what you wanted.” And I had, but I would be confused because of my “problems”.
And this ties in with the subject of the meeting today. The Sixth Step. My character defects. When I’m thinking about problems, there are my character defects in spades. And they cause me a lot of suffering to say the least. And maybe suffering to others. Tenth Step.
Then I thought about the cure for all of this. Acceptance and the surrender to the pain these cause me to force me to accept. And that reminds me of the saying that it’s pain that is the touchstone of all spiritual growth. A reminder that it takes a certain amount of humility to live this program. To put my ego and my wants aside for spiritual growth and my sobriety.
And all this brings my Higher Power into the picture. How much I need His help. And, I know that over time, no matter what my problems are that I need to turn them over to my Higher Power, if I can’t change them. If I can change them, the wisdom to know the difference rests in being honest with myself. I have to ask for the courage and power to do so.
Anyway, when I got home I had to sit down and think about all of this. All of this brought back to mind, why I came here. To get sober and stop my whining.