Those paradoxes again. Surrender to win. Have to give it away to keep it.
The Twelfth Step and the Fifth Tradition. That was what we talked about today. How I remember reading Dr. Bob’s story and so many others. How impressed Bob was with Bill W. did for him by telling him how he got sober. What it was like, what happened, and what it’s like now. And just how important that is to all of us, if we want to stay sober.
I couldn’t but help think how much that did for me, when I came in. My first sponsor was always taking me out on calls just like what happened to Dr. Bob. That was before there were rehabs. They didn’t come into being until I was a few years in the program. I often have to think how so many have been deprived of the privilege of being able to do the same.
Often an adventure for me. It helped me to begin to get some picture in my head of what this program was about. Have to think that I was blessed by the experiences we had. Wasn’t always easy, as I remember. A lot of drunks like myself could and would try to put obstacles in our path. Won’t go into all of this. After all we were like so many trying to carry the message, and, as desperate as they were, some of them were still struggling to maintain their bondage to alcohol. Kind of like on the fence.
But it always helped someone like me to be doing this. I always tried to go with someone with much more sobriety than I had. Didn’t always work out that way, but when it did I benefited by being able to hear what it was that we were supposed to be doing. In the long run it convinced me that I was right where I needed to be. Sober and trying to work this program.
I thought about that at the meeting today. There I was in the meeting and I was being Twelfth Stepped by those in the meeting. I realize that is what happens every time I attend meetings. As long as we’re talking about alcohol and sobriety. Doesn’t matter how I’m feeling or what I’m thinking. All I know is that when the meeting is over I’m in the right place. I get the message I need to hear. This program works for someone like me and all of the rest of us in there.
I almost laughed, as the meeting went on. I didn’t mention it, but back then we carried or bought alcohol to give to those we were carrying the message to. The concern was that they might go into convulsions or the dt’s or delirium tremens. Could be fatal. I can remember having to hold one man, while the man I was with poured the drink down his throat. He had given signs that he was near dt’s. I know he was grateful, because he got sober and stayed that way. Back then there were few, if any hospitals, who would treat alcoholics. No detoxes around. All that’s changed now for the most part. Although some still won’t detox patients. Instead they send them to a hospital where they do that regularly. That’s another story.
The meeting reminded me of how glad I was that I had the privilege of going out and doing what we did on a regular basis. But the opportunity for the Twelfth Step is still there. Like I said, the meetings, if we we’re following the Fifth Tradition, is still a real Twelfth Step opportunity. Plus there’s always someone, who is either new or struggling with this program. People coming back after another trip back out. Always the opportunity to keep our own sobriety by giving it away to others.
Works for me.