Think, Think, Think. That was posted on a lot of walls at AA meetings. I heard old timers say that. Use your head. Think. Think about what?
Often I hear today that whenever a sober alcoholic says “I was thinking” that he’s headed for trouble. Whose right? Those old timers or the new wave of some members? My take on this is the old timers I knew back then.
And what are we to think about? It starts, for me, with that for which I’m responsible. I was told that I’m not responsible for my being able to stop drinking and getting into this program. But I am responsible for my sobriety, working the Steps, and practicing this program each and everyday. I’m responsible for remembering my primary purpose. I’m responsible for remembering that my decision to stop drinking was the most important decision I ever made. If I don’t stop and think about this, I’m headed in the wrong direction.
I think what the latest “thought”, if we’re thinking we’re headed for trouble, is based on something else. If I allow my emotions to take over my mind and do the thinking for me, yes, I’ll agree. That old “I” over the “E”. Intellect over the emotions. Or like my sponsor always said, “Think with your head and not your heart”.
When anger, jealousy, rage, envy, worry, anxiety, and the list goes on, I’m headed for trouble, if they guide my thinking. And they do happen. But I have to remember what happened to my thinking and my actions as a result. That’s why I have tried to remember to discipline myself to sidestep those emotions, when they pop up. And they do. But, I don’t have to buy into them. I learned that from my sponsor and those old timers. Still once in a while I can get caught unaware and then I have to scramble to neutralize them before they win out.
I have Steps and people in the program, plus my Higher Power to help me. That’s why I have to use my head and seek the solution to this kind of stuff. To bring the program back into focus. I really have to think about that.
I have to think about what I want. Do I want to drink or do I want to stay sober? That’s up to me and will I seek the help I need? Am I thinking rationally, or am I being guided by my emotions, my feelings?
If, for instance, like it was in the beginning for me, I hear someone say something I don’t like or don’t agree with, am I going to reject it and think I know better? And why would I think that way? Oh, that’s right, it made me angry. And guess, who was doing the thinking for me? The anger of course. Thank God for my sponsor and those other men and women, who knew how to reach me and turn my mind around so that I could achieve the kind of life, the spiritual way of life, so that I could stay sober.
Anyway I was thinking about thinking. And what am I thinking about? Staying sober, of course. Thinking of how grateful I am for this program, and the God of my understanding, and the people in here from whom I hear God’s will for me. Again, thanks.