A couple of members I know, friends, brought up things today, which I could identify with. One was the evidence of what a resentment had brought about. The other was sympathy for a still drinking alcoholic. I’ve been there in both places. Neither is healthy for this alcoholic.
Sympathy is a relationship of feelings, emotions. Empathy on the other hand is a mental understanding of the same thing, without getting caught up in the emotions. I’ve learned over time, with the help of my sponsor and those old timers how my own sobriety can be threatened by getting sympathetic with someone, who is drinking. Understanding, empathy is one thing. Getting dragged down in emotions in sympathy isn’t good for someone like me. Emotionally identifying with what is happening can lead to the feelings taking over my mind. And that can lead to a drink. As I have said many times before I was taught in here to think with my head and not my heart.
My friend had told me that the drinking person’s sponsor was angry with them. I told my friend I have seen this before. It’s really not anger in a sense. It’s self protection. They know they can get emotionally involved and end up drunk themselves. We’ve seen this before, it’s nothing new. It’s their way of protecting their sobriety.
The other friend has had a long term resentment. And I know from my experience what that can lead to. Someone like me, which my friend is, can find that we often are not paying the necessary attention needed in other circumstances, because this resentment is occupying our minds. If not in the foreground, it’s right there around the corner.
Anyway he did something today, which brought all of this out. He wrote a business letter and the misspellings or wrong words were evidence. At least he got to sit down and laugh at himself. It was funny. But the cause wasn’t. In fact it’s a real problem for people like myself and him. If I fail to do something about it, it can and has led many to a drink again.
As we were talking I was reminded of something someone wrote about their spiritual awakening. They were having difficulties in getting and believing in a Higher Power, the God of their understanding. So their sponsor suggested the old saying, if you don’t believe make believe. And that’s exactly what this person did. And they got over their resentments.
This person decided they would make believe that their Higher Power was going to work with them. At work they silently introduced their Higher Power to their fellow workers, including those whom they didn’t like, didn’t get along with, and had resentments toward. As time went on that day they began to see that all their fellow workers, including the disliked, began to treat them differently. They all became friendly and open. They found themselves at peace. A spiritual experience, which changed their life.
I passed this story onto my friend and he got it immediately.
What I thought about is that all of the above is tied in with our emotions and the problems emotions can present to people like myself. And, as I learned in here from my sponsor and old timers, that once the emotions take over our minds they do the thinking and acting for us. Not a sober way of thinking or living. In fact it can be absolutely dangerous.
Back when I came in I would regularly hear old timers repeating over and over, it’s the “I” over “E”. Intellect over Emotions. I was told to use my head and, like I said, not my heart. My emotions. To think rationally. To learn to keep my primary purpose before all things, no matter what. I came here to get sober and to help another alcoholic. I can do neither, if my feelings are all over the place and I can’t think straight.
That doesn’t mean that I go along uncaring. I don’t. But caring is an action word, just like gratitude is. Helping another alcoholic says it all. Does that eliminate love? Hardly. I can feel sad, without losing control. That’s why I have a Higher Power. And of course all these sober alcoholics. They understand. And it’s understanding which we all need.
Just thinking about sobriety and being grateful.