Sometimes I need to remember just what it is I have, as a result of my getting sober. What I’m thinking about tonight is a wonderful way of living. A spiritual way of living, which I never had before. And, if I did, it’s nothing like what I have now.
All this began for me at my first meeting. I was given hope at that meeting. Hope that I could have the way of life I was witnessing. I wanted what the members there had. They had the power not to drink and I wanted that. They also seemed to have something I couldn’t have described that night or a long time afterward, until I was able to understand what was happening to me.
None of this happened overnight. It took a long time and my having to go through things, which often made me uncomfortable. That didn’t mean that all of it was like that. There were good moments during those early days, but the bumps in the road were there. And that was all the result of what I brought through the doors with me. All the junk, all the insanity, all the guilt and remorse, the fears and anxieties, the lingering anger, the loneliness. The consequences of my drinking alcohol and where it led me.
Thinking back to that first meeting reminded me of a truth I learned in here. Just how powerful these meetings are to an alcoholic like myself. The understanding and help these meetings have given me over my lifetime in sobriety. That, plus the fact that in this fellowship I have been able to develop deep and lasting friendships, which I still have today.
But there is a lot more I have to think about in terms of the meetings and just why they are so important. It was in meetings that I first began to hear the truth. The way out of my sickness. I found a way into health. Gradually I began to experience a better state of physical health, as I withdrew further and further from the alcohol. Added to that was the fact that as I listened to directions and suggestions, especially in the Steps, my mental illness from my alcoholism began to be lifted out of me.
The third thing I experienced in meetings was what is talked about in that Fifth Tradition. The message the group is supposed to offer to someone like me. The spiritual solution. As my mind started to become more clear, I began to hear the spiritual message this program gives to us. The message, which leads to a spiritual awakening through a new relationship I was given. My Higher Power, the God of my understanding.
The reason all this came up is that I missed the last two days of meetings. And that always gives me pause. I need the meetings. I never ever want to forget that. It’s where I go for several important reasons. One of them is that I can go there and find peace and understanding. A real break from this world outside these rooms. I also go there to learn, just as I did from the beginning. I still need to hear the messages and knowledge to be found in this program. No matter how much I may think I know, I know that I still have a long way to go. That realization, which I learned in here, tells me that no matter how long I go and listen, I will never learn it all. There will always be more.
There’s another real important reason for me to go to meetings. It’s there I get to share with others like myself and hopefully carry the message to someone, who really needs and wants it. And that brings up something else meetings mean to me. They are an opportunity for me to express my gratitude for all that has been given to me. Freely given. And it’s up to me to act my gratitude out at meetings. To give thanks in a way that may help another alcoholic like myself. To freely give everything I have received. Like they say, we have to give it away to keep it.
Anyway, it’s really not complicated, unless I make it so. It’s simple. Go to meetings, listen, share, give thanks, give it away, learn, and keep coming back. I think I will. I know I will.