Of all the people I know, I realize that I’m the last one whom I think has any kind of grasp of what spirituality is or isn’t. I think I have had an equal amount of experiencing the spiritual goodness, which I’ve been blessed with. On the other hand I have had my struggles with pursuing this way of life.
Sometimes I step back and look at this way of life I’ve been living and find myself in awe of what has happened. Especially how I’ve received a spiritual awakening, which has restored me to sanity, as far as alcohol is concerned. I know that my faults remain. The Third Step reminds me of that. That my turning my life and will over to the care of the God of my understanding leaves me with a free will to do as I please. I can do God’s will, as best as I can understand it, or, because the decisions and choices in my life are still mine, I can go in the opposite direction.
I hope that I stay on His path and not mine, but I know that I’m still human and that I can and have stumbled and fallen along the way. Imperfect at best. I know that I have a struggle with trying to acquire some kind of humility, which I desperately need at times. To get my ego out of the way and turn things over to my Higher Power.
I was thinking of this today, because I had some good reminders this week for me to remember that there are people, places, and things I need to ignore and leave alone. To mind my own business and keep my mouth shut and not get into anger and resentments. A temptation to say the least.
Tonight, as I talked to an old friend in another state, they interrupted me to point out that I was on the way to give into my temptation to lose my temper. Thank my Higher Power that I was talking to the right person. Whew! I need people like that. People like myself, whom I’ve met in this program, who can recognize my faults and my leanings and pull me back from giving into them.
Again I was reminded of Merton’s prayer. That often I don’t know where I’m going, nor do I know myself or that I am or am not doing God’s will for me. The hope is that I have the intention to please Him, which I pray does please Him. I know that, if I do that, that He will take care of me. And I need to do that. To try to continue to have that intention in all that I do. I know that I will be okay, if I do, because He will be there to take care of me.
Despite my sometimes goofy thinking, I know that I can stop and look around and see that I have been given all I need. I’m still sober and, no matter how imperfectly, I keep trying to put this program into action and to practice these principles in all of my affairs. I just need at times to step back and take a look, to give thanks, and continue to do what’s right in front of me.