One of the subjects today took over the entire meeting. Talk about the Fourth and Fifth Steps. Sounded like that a lot today. And the subject? Thin skin and the need for a thick skin.
I remember way back being approached by my sponsor and him telling me that I had to develop a thick skin. I don’t remember if I told him how I was when I came through these doors. Talk about a thin skin. I was paranoid. I thought everyone around me was talking about me and laughing at me. More about them laughing at me later.
I got over the paranoia but I discovered that developing a thick skin was not an overnight trip. It took time. But that was part of the learning process. For instance I had much to learn about the spiritual axiom in the Tenth Step. That whenever we’re disturbed there is something wrong with us. And that took time because if someone disturbed me I got into that insane lying and developed a resentment. Which is just what this ego centered alcoholic was looking for. My insane entertainment, which could have cost me my sobriety. But what did I know? I had to go through all this rough stuff to learn how to change and begin to mature and handle my emotions.
Of course one of the elements, which played a big part in my recovery and neutralizing my emotions, was my Higher Power. Developing the hope that I really could do something about myself and having the faith that this would happen. Like I said, not overnight, but in time. I did begin to learn how to put the I over E. Intellect over the emotions. Or to think with my head and not my heart. To get honest and see where I was wrong and not to go on the other side of the street.
The group today really ignored another topic and almost all of them talked about developing a thick skin and the way they were, when they were over sensitive to someone disturbing them.
I had to laugh, because like I said the group laughing at me, since I was leading the meeting. Today I laugh with them, because it no longer disturbs me. What it does do is give me a chance to begin to develop some humility and I am grateful for that. Just what I need.
Anyway I think we all got a lot out of the meeting today, because so many came over and told me that. They all liked the subject and said they got a lot out of it. It really turned out to be much about the second subject. Staying sober.
Made me meditate and think about my Higher Power and the people in my life, who have helped me to stay sober. Grateful for all of this.