How simple and easy it is to judge someone. All I have to do is make up my mind based on their words and their performances at meetings. Today I didn’t have to. Someone did that for me. In fact it was simple for me. I wasn’t called on and didn’t have to open my mouth.
The meeting today was on someone who had gone back out and drank again. History of this event. Not that new. But, as I sat there, listening to others a couple of things ran through this dumb mind of mine. Should say simple mind. One of them was the Third Tradition. The only requirement for memberships is a desire to stop drinking. Do actions speak louder than words?
A lot of people laid out their stories about their drinking and their failures. Others laid out their difficulties in getting sober and staying sober. My thought was is this a sign of something far more difficult to pick up on? Not easy to diagnose. Oh, that’s right, we’re not physicians or therapists. Although someone did that, I thought they’d have been better off leaving that alone.
What makes others go back out and drink again, and again? Again, if it hasn’t killed them yet. I think the BB tells us that early on. Anger and resentments. Cuts us off from the sunlight of the the spirit and we drink again and then die as a result. I sure have seen that. Is that what’s in front of me? Very well could be. That self pity and self,self, self ego stuff. Crazy, if it costs us our life. But then the bottom line is that it’s crazy anyway.
All I have to do is go to the figures the NY office has given on approximately how many members and then the population of alcoholics as predicted by public offices. I think it was a million and a half in the program, if I remember rightly. And those out there? Over twenty million. I think that was the last figures I saw. So more are out there taking the risks none of us in here want to take. I know I’ve seen what alcohol could not only do to me, but I sure have seen the number, who have gone back out and died. Awful to say the least.
I always wonder how much people, who have gone back out, have applied these Steps to their lives, if at all. Also I wonder, if they ever read the BB and the 12&12? I know that the Doctor’s Opinion had a big impact on me. And the chapter There Is A Solution. I knew that really gave me a thrill to know that. But then there was no question in my mind, when I came in. I never wanted to drink again. That and the pain behind those thoughts. Like the first chapter in the 12&12. Why all this insistence on bottoms?
And like my sponsor and those old timers told me and I believe. You can’t scare an active alcoholic or someone dedicated to drinking again. Tell them that they’re going to die and they probably smile, shrug their shoulders, and go back out.
I know none of that is on my mind. I still continue to not to want to drink ever again. I already saw just what alcohol had done to me. Thank my Higher Power I have already had a spiritual awakening. The restoration to sanity, as far as alcohol is concerned. I know that the disease is still present. Just not showing up on a daily basis. Makes me grateful for what I have been given.
My thoughts about the person suffering? Not sympathy. Compassion. I hope that they find the answer they need. I know I and others are helpless to give it to them. Only they can open their mind and their heart. Like I said, it was pain which opened the door for me.
Just thought I’d sit down and think about all of this when I got home. It’s a reminder to me that I’m not cured of this disease. I still need help from others. I also need to get open and listen. There’s a lot I have forgotten over the years. I need to be reminded always. A day at a time. And I know I need to take action and practice this program. I definitely don’t want to ever drink again. Just grateful I haven’t. It almost happened once a long time ago. Thank my Higher Power and a friend, who helped me.