For me interesting thoughts today, as we celebrated anniversaries. One of them was Step Nine. Especially one of the amends I had to make, which took a long time before the opportunity to make it.
The reason for this was the wife of one of the members celebrating, plus a man, who spoke about the long period he and his wife had. Made my mind go back to my marriage and what happened. It broke up five years in here. Nevertheless I stuck with the commitment to do it. And I did, when I was in here around twenty-five years. We both sat down one night and shared our amends. Amazing to this alcoholic.
And every time I think about making amends, I think about the time that I was given the restoration to sanity after one of these amends. Just like the BB points out, after the Ninth Step, I had stopped fighting everyone and everything, including alcohol. For by this time I had been restored to sanity, as it states. The spiritual awakening.
These were only part of my thoughts as the meeting went on. Or I should say, after I came home. I took the time to go back and look at these thoughts among others. Just a reminder to me why I am still here sober today, as were so many in the room today.
There were other things, but this is enough to remind me of the gift I have been given. The same gift I was able to witness over and over again, as celebrants went up and received their anniversary tokens. Also as they later spoke up after they had all received their chips. Just another moment in here to bring my reason for being here with the rest celebrating today.
Quite a few went to the basic reason we are here and I was glad to hear it expressed. I’m here, like them, to stay sober a day at a time. When I hear that it encourages me, as I know it does others to keep practicing this program each and everyday. In fact, in speaking after wards to a recent member, I pointed out to him that it’s nice to have an event like this, but the truth is that I am not here to celebrate on a special day my anniversary. Each and everyday is important to me that I remain sober. This wasn’t my anniversary date, but I really was celebrating my being sober this day.
Anyway I couldn’t help but think about how I have been gifted with a spiritual way of life, which allows me to stay sober each and everyday. A miracle as far as I’m concerned. I should have probably been dead years ago. And yet here I am. A few of us after the meeting spoke about this and expressed the same feelings. We are all thankful. Grateful to our Higher Power and to all of those who have helped us along the way to stay sober in spite of the obstacles life often places in our paths.
All this reminded me again of my attempts at meditation today. My Eleventh Step. At least trying to improve my conscious contact with the God of my understanding before the meeting. I know as this went on I was at times “doing well”, and at others suffering from a wandering mind. But, as one spiritual man once said, not to stop but to continue. And I did. Just thinking how imperfect I am, but still willing to try.
Just like the Ninth Step states, that the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it, as best as I can. I am grateful for the opportunity.