One of the things I learned in here, which changed much of my life, was learning how to break away from the domination of emotions in my life. And much of that began with the Second Step in here. At least the beginning of a spiritual way of life and the help of my Higher Power.
The reason all of this came up was the number of people I ended up talking about this, as a result of our being able to share what was going on. I learned from my sponsor and those old timers that I had to give up what had dominated my life. Negative emotions, which ran my thinking for me. They would rush up from whatever someone said or did and would so dominate my life that I was no longer in charge. The results were always negative to say the least.
Feelings like anger, resentment, worry, self pity, anxieties, and so much more, which would get me into all kinds of trouble. In fact I can look back and think of what the BB said. Resentments cut us off from the sunlight of the spirit. We drink again and for us to drink is to die. And I have personally witnessed this in here. Never want to forget this and know that, like all those old timers, I had to turn these over to my Higher Power and let go.
Like everything else in here none of this happened overnight. It took time. A day at a time. But it needed my willingness and continued willingness to change. Discipline was not something I was willing to do. I had to become determined and step up to the plate and do it.
My sponsor told me that I had to be willing to think with my head and not my heart. When my feelings cut into me I had to learn to step back, take a deep breath, pray, ask for help, and let go. Like I said this was not an overnight adventure. But eventually I began to see things change. It was like the restoration to sanity, talked about after the Ninth Step in the BB. It said that we stopped fighting everyone and everything, including alcohol. For by this time sanity had returned. And it was just like that.
I never ever want to drink alcohol again. I want to stay sober a day at a time. That’s why I need to stop and think about things in this program which are so important to me. I know that I have a lot of gratitude for the changes I have gone through. Doesn’t mean that I live a perfect way of life. I have been told by my sponsor and the BB that I’m imperfect. Not a saint as the BB tells me. I will find myself stumbling over my old faults along the way. But as my sponsor told me, I need to learn to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep on keeping on.
So, I stopped and thought about all of this tonight. It’s a reminder to me of some of the things I need to be aware of and need to do. I need to have a positive attitude, as opposed to a negative attitude, like I brought through these doors with me, when I came in. I am so grateful to my Higher Power and all those, who have reached out and helped me. I cannot do this alone. So I need to say thanks.