One of the subjects, which came up today, was about the spiritual axiom. Tenth Step in the 12&12. Whenever I’m disturbed there’s something wrong with me. And that was something which got to me long before I ever arrived at that Step.
The reason I was beginning to change was that I never wanted to ever drink again. And that’s when I read in the BB that resentments could get us back into drinking, and then we would die. What happened was that my first sponsor who had ten years in the program, and another alcoholic, who had about the same time in here, had deep resentments and drank and died. I could never forget that.
All this began putting a warning into my mind. I needed to find a way to do away with resentments. Later on in the program, when I arrived at the Eighth and Ninth Steps, I found that I had a long list of resentments. Didn’t mean that I wasn’t trying to deal with my current angers at that time. I was struggling, trying, even though I was fairly unsuccessful. to get rid of my angers.
That’s when I finally began to truly bring my Higher Power into helping me to deal with these kind of emotional storms within me. And it was near that time that I began to see how the Serenity Prayer played a big part in dealing with my feelings and emotions with others. I started to learn how truly powerless I was over others. I learned that I could not do anything to change anyone.
It was about that time I also began to learn that I could change myself, if I tried to truly depend on my Higher Power. That meant that I needed to continue to focus on my staying sober a day at a time. That’s why I had come here to start with. I had truly surrendered to that First Step. One hundred percent. That was because, even though I knew nothing about alcoholism at that time, I knew that if I didn’t stop drinking I was going to kill myself. So I was given hope and that hope got me to pray and ask the God of my understanding to stop me from drinking alcohol.
And that’s where I was today. Once again focusing on staying sober a day at a time. And remembering what the Ninth Step told me. That the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. That, when I wake up in the morning, I need to begin my day by praying to my Higher Power for the help I need this day to stay sober. Being able to handle my tripping over myself and falling into my negative emotions. How to begin my day with a positive attitude.
And, if I need to, to forgive others and myself for whatever has disturbed me.
Makes me grateful that this program, the Steps, those old timers, and especially my Higher Power have helped me to change and to live a new way of life. That I have been given the grace I need to live a sober life.