Interesting thought. Who am I? I know that I’m an alcoholic. I have been born with this down within me. I know that I was overwhelmed by it. Alcohol owned me. I was it’s slave. Fun at first, but not long after it dulled me and ran my life. Eventually it had so overwhelmed me that I could no longer go on. I sank into deep despair. Everything in my life was in deep blackness. I needed to escape.
When I reached a point, where I could look at the reality of my life, I decided that I could not go on. I needed to end my life. I knew nothing about alcoholism. I had no idea of the program of AA. I was out there on my own and my only answer was suicide. And that’s when I was given the answers I needed. Or at least opened the door to these.
I was almost on my way to ending my life, when a drinking friend of mine told me how he had learned another way. He said he had heard the day before that there was a place where men and women met and stayed sober together. He also told me that if I wanted to go to that place he would take me. For some reason those statements turned on a bright light within me. The darkness was gone. I had been given hope.
That night I did something I hadn’t really done in years. I stepped aside and said a prayer. Without knowing what I was doing, I begged God to stop me from drinking and living the life I was living. I told God that if this was done I would do whatever He wanted me to do. I had surrendered. I went to bed that night without another drink and fell asleep. The next morning I woke up and the drink was gone. I wasn’t aware of that at first, and really didn’t realize it until that night.
What had happened, I didn’t realize it until later, was that I had surrendered. I knew nothing about the Steps of this program. I didn’t know there was a First Step. Later I learned that there was and that, if I wanted to get sober and stay sober, I had to surrender to this Step. Totally, with no reservations. Later I came to realize that is what not only save my life, it totally changed it.
Today I was thinking about this again. It’s one of the most important things, which ever happened in my life. I haven’t had a drink since that night I prayed and asked for help. It always amazes me, when I stop and think about it. Without knowing it I was going to be given a new way of life, which would turn me around. A spiritual way of life, but also a life in which my humanity would be changed. And I feel this was a miracle, for which I am grateful.
Anyway I once again needed to be grateful for all of this. I was given a life of hope, faith, and eventually love. I learned in here to pay attention and stay sober a day at a time. To live in the now. Not always easy for this drunk, but something I need to strive to pay attention to. To learn to strive to not only stay sober, but to bring what I have been so freely given to others like myself.
Just needed to stop and think and be grateful to my Higher Power, this way of life, and all those in here, who have helped me. The love I have received and am willing to give to them and others.