Lately I have been talking and sharing with some friends of mine in this program. Persons, who like myself had to struggle with this program in the beginning. because of our problems, which we brought in with us. Our over sized egos, our self centered nature, and our thinking that we knew everything we needed to. Plus we had a lot of dishonesty we were dragging in with us. On top of all of this was our anger, our resentments, and our self pity.
And to top all of this off, if we got the opportunity we wanted to speak up and teach others of what we believed we knew. And many of us had, at some point, been well educated. But none of this had anything to do with what we needed to learn to practice in here. That is except one thing. If some of us had a deep belief of some sort in religion, or something like it, that could help us along the way. Except that was a personal matter and not something we needed to teach to others.
All I can remember about how it was at the beginning, was that I needed to keep quiet and learn to listen to those old timers in here. The truth was, as my sponsor put it to me, that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. And I had to put what I thought I knew aside and be quiet and listen and learn.
For the most part we all learned the same things. It was truly a humbling thing. Something we all needed to learn to accept and follow the directions. Like being told to not read the BB, but to study it. That was a very important early instruction for an ego maniac like me. I very much needed to begin to quash that over sized ego of mine. I got a lot of help from those old timers, who never held back to knock me down, and tell me to “shut up”. Like a lot of us, we are mostly grateful for these old men, who wanted to help us get sober and stay sober.
Anyway I got a lot of support from people like myself, who had some time in this program. We all have our desire to stay sober a day at a time and grow along spiritual lines. Quite a few of us have a desire to keep helping others, freshly in this program, who need to begin to learn as we did. I’ll let it go for now.
I just need to begin to remember to continue to stay sober and change each and everyday. I need to step back and do what I need to to grow along spiritual lines. To be grateful and give thanks to my Higher Power and all those, who have helped me to continue to grow in what I am doing, each and everyday.