The last few days I have been talking to friends about how their feelings are controlling their thoughts. Amazing. Very confusing and questionable for them. I know that I had been there in the past and that I learned from my old sponsor and some of those old timers how to deal with these. It works.
What was going on was anger at some, and physical attractions, love for one another, questions about our connections, and on and on. The basics, of course, are our confused feelings. Upsets and a bit of chaos within. We might feel that we “know what to do”, or that “we don’t”.
Going back into the program we have learned, or are learning, we have to stop and step back. Then we take a look at Step Two in the program, the spiritual way of life, and our beginning to become willing to grow in a relationship with our Higher Power. The next is studying the Serenity Prayer. The first is what is it we cannot change? And, of course, that is we cannot change others, no matter what. All we can change is ourselves. But that is not always easy. Sometimes it is totally confusing. And then we have to learn to connect with our Higher Power and talk to others, whom we can trust.
A long time ago, I had to learn to step back and stop thinking about all of this. I had to become quiet within. Then, when I began to feel at peace, I could begin to pray and talk with my Higher Power. Next, I had to talk to my sponsor and/or close friends, who knew what I was going through. Then I began to learn what it was that I was going through. And then change.
The first thing I had to do was to stop beginning to condemn some one. The Tenth Step in the 12&12 talks about a spiritual axiom we have to learn. I had to step back from blaming someone. Didn’t matter what I thought. I had to let go and learn what it is that is wrong with me. I know it works and it began to change me.
The truth is that I really don’t know what is going on with others. I’m not a psychiatrist. And even if I was, I still wouldn’t know. What I had to learn was what was going on with me. And then I had to step back and begin to open myself up to peace and serenity within.
And all of this is about my staying sober a day at a time. To find the peace and happiness from my Higher Power, and then this program. And then the promises and the rest of the gifts within. And I know, I learned to pretty much remain within. However I also know that I am not a saint. I am a human alcoholic, who can from time to time stumble over myself, and have to learn how to turn to my Higher Power and change.
Anyway, I have to be grateful to the God of my understanding, and then all of those in here, who have helped me to change.