It was interesting today to listen to members talking about what our spiritual condition is. It made me think, as the meeting went on.
A lot of people were in agreement that it was made up of our behavior and personality changes, as the result of working the Steps. Right thinking and right action.
For myself, I felt that this was all right as far as it went. But I came here with a spiritual malady. A drunk in an unwholesome condition. I wasn’t looking for a spiritual way of life, but that’s what I got. It all began with the Second Step, the doorway to the solution. A spiritual solution.
For me it’s a belief and reliance on my higher power. The group and the God of my understanding. It’s practicing the Steps, but it’s also developing a conscious contact with the God of my understanding. It is my higher power, empowering me to live this way of life.
But there is another thing, which I think composes this way of life. That’s in seeking and practicing how and then doing God’s will for me. That was not an easy task at first. The rebel within wanted to do my will and not God’s. It took seeking a way to reduce my ego. I was in the way. Some humility was going to have to be the essential factor in this. And this has eventually come a day at a time, when I learned that I was not something special and could accept that.
Imperfection is a part of this spiritual life. It is for me anyway. It’s something I had to learn to accept. Being a “perfectionist” is what my mind told me I had to accomplish. In the past, when I would find I couldn’t do something perfectly, I threw whatever the task was aside. Now, I had no choice but to surrender to my imperfections and proceed along the path I’m on regardless of what I want.
If that’s my spiritual condition, so be it. Whatever it is I’m still sober and grateful for what I have.