Over the years I have found out that the dumbest thing I can do is listen to myself. Like Lincoln said about the man, who has himself as his own lawyer, the man is an idiot. Not those exact words, but the exact thought.
One of the things I learned from my sponsor and all those old timers was that I may know a lot, but I lack the intelligence necessary to live a good life and stay sober. I need help. My own thoughts might just lead me back to where I never want to go again. They could lead to a drink.
I’ve learned from not just my sponsor, but from experience, the foolhardiness of listening to me. No matter what I think, the best thing I can do is to run what I’m thinking past someone else. Particularly a sponsor or a trusted friend. They may not have the answers, but at least it is out there on the table and no longer in my head.
I’ve also learned that I’m not cured of this disease of alcoholism. Deep down in my unconscious mind is the drink. It will always be there, whether I am aware of it or not. All I have to do is to check out the number of drunk dreams I have had over the years. Even without those, I know that the example of others have demonstrated that to me over and over again. Men and women, who have kept things to themselves and then drank again with many fatalities.
The BB wasn’t kidding, when it said that this disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful. That last word “powerful” describes what’s wrong with me. I lack power, when it comes to alcohol. I always will.
What’s necessary for me, if I want to stay sober, is to have enough humility to surrender to these truths and then ask for help. One thing I remember that my sponsor told me is that I could be too smart to stay sober. Arrogance is the result of a pride so stiff necked that it refuses the helping hand of others.
Anyway, as the meeting was focused on asking for help, I had a lot of thoughts running through my head on this subject today. And, lo and behold, I talked to a friend about all of this. A sponsor actually. I needed to get all of this out and listen to what he said. I can always use all the help I can get.