Today something came to mind. Something I had forgotten about. A prayer that I almost didn’t seem to remember the source. It’s a thank you note to my Higher Power for all of the good things that have happened in my life, as well as the seemingly bad, as necessary for my growth. I think that was it. I heard it a long time ago from a former pro football player, a recovering alcoholic, when he spoke at out group in Maryland. Funny thing is I still remember most of his story.
But what I was thinking about are the “seemingly bad things”. I had to stop and think about that. How easy it is for me to see many of the bumps in the road as not so good for me. But the truth is that I’m still sober and life is still good. Come to think about it it is amazing.
It’s kind of like that prayer another alcoholic told me. Thank you for all you have given me, all that you have taken from me, and all that you have left me. Something like Francis Thompson and the Hound of Heaven. If I remember it went something like, “all I have taken from you I have kept in my arm to keep you from harm”. Close enough I think.
I was thinking about gratitude to the God of my understanding this morning. I owe so much to Him for all He has done for me. There have been good times and many hard knocks at times, since I have gotten sober, but all in all it has been good. Just my way of thinking at times, which color or discolor the difficulties I have gone through. But in the end I can see many of them did guide me into a better way of living, which I had, in my self centered rebellious way had tried to avoid. Like the BB said about the Steps, at some of these we balked. I have a tendency to “balk” a lot on and off.
Back early on in my program, I can remember resisting going on 12th Step calls. Downright obnoxious at times, I was. From time to time I still am reminded that my thinking needs to be changed. I have to remember that I don’t know that I don’t know. I only think I do, as my old sponsor often reminded me.
So, the seemingly bad things, are probably just that. Probably part of the good things necessary for my growth. My spiritual growth most likely, as much as I have had of it. Again, what do I know? I just have to trust, have hope and faith in my Higher Power and be grateful. It’s worked so far.