One of the things which seems to distress most recovering alcoholics is change. I know that I resisted change over and over again. Of course that made it more difficult for me, when I finally had to accept the fact that change was inevitable. That always meant surrender, surrender, surrender, and surrender. That was always followed by having to accept.
All this was always accompanied by emotional turmoil. That too was inevitable. After all I came in this program with the mentality of a child. At most a teenager. I certainly lacked maturity. And that was one change I finally had to agree to with the help and direction of my sponsor and a lot of old timers and friends. I had to grow up and become an adult.
But it was my emotional reaction to things, which kept me crippled. Bill W. wrote about this. Our need to achieve emotional maturity. So have a lot of other authors. I know I read about this often. In fact it was one of the problems presented today at our meeting. Fear of the future. Easy to tell oneself that something is coming up soon and I’m not going to worry or get anxious or fearful. Unless I have been actually working on changing my emotional reactions, I’m going to be like the man, who brought it up. Worried, fearful, and anxiety ridden.
I always love that spiritual axiom in the Tenth Step in the 12&12. Whenever we’re disturbed there’s something wrong with us. Absolutely correct I have learned over time. Another change I had to go through. The change of becoming honest with myself and having to learn how to modify my emotional reactions. In truth healing them.
The very fact that it’s called a spiritual axiom ought to tell me something. It’s part of improving my spiritual condition. The spiritual condition which is the basis of my sobriety. My reliance on my Higher Power. Learning to turn things over over which I have no control. The Eleventh Step. Prayer and meditation. Attempting to improve my conscious contact with the God of my understanding.
The bottom line of all of this is about growing along spiritual lines, as the BB tells us is the answer to our problem with this disease of alcoholism. The spiritual awakening. The restoration to sanity. The Twelfth Step and the Second and Ninth for this alcoholic.
None of this has been an easy journey at times. Lots of bumps in the road for this alcoholic. And of all things, time really takes time. But the more I find myself forced to practice this program the more I find I benefit from all of this. I begin to find peace and serenity. Like the promises say, a new happiness and a new freedom.
Anyway, just taking time to meditate on staying sober. Makes me grateful.