The sins of omission. Not being aggressive and harming others, but not doing anything for anyone. Totally ignorant of others. That was my record from drinking and being married and having children. I wasn’t there for them. I was out drinking all the time. Day and night. Probably never got home before 3 or 4 am. Out by 8 or 10 the next day and so on and on for years.
None of this was planned. It just happened because alcohol owned me. I couldn’t stop drinking. I would automatically walk into bars and drink no matter what. I’ve been shot at, knives put in front of me. Barroom fights. Walking the streets of Wash. DC at all hours. People jumping out of a doorway at 3 am. and grabbing me from behind and putting a knife to my throat.
That was me. A total helpless drunk not knowing why I drank or how to stop. Tried stopping over and over and never worked. Until that day, when I decided I needed to kill myself. I couldn’t go on. And then someone saved me and I found a spiritual awakening, when I prayed to the God of my understanding and asked for help and I surrendered and became willing to do whatever it took to get sober.
Short version of my alcoholism. Never knew I was an alcoholic, nor did I know a darn thing about alcoholism, until I came into the program and read the Doctor’s Opinion. That opened my eyes for the first time in all those years. Totally amazed that what I suffered from was a disease not of my own making. Something I had inherited. And that’s when I found the chapter There Is A Solution and found the hope I needed to stay sober.
In here I found a way out of this broken unmanageable life I had. I found freedom from the insanity of drinking alcohol. I found happiness and joy in spite of that awful history of mine. I always stop and think about Dag Hammarskjold’s words of thanks to God. For all that’s happened, Thanks. And for all that will happen, Yes. Describes the acceptance of the past, both the good and bad. and opens the door to the future for which we haven’t a clue. God’s will.
Today we were talking about our pasts and the joy and happiness we found in here, despite our drinking histories. Good meeting. Tough to listen to at times, but nevertheless it opened my mind and reminded me so much of why I’m here and what I need to do to maintain this program in my life. Also inspiration of why I need others to help me to stay sober.
Anyway I needed to take time to meditate on what this program is all about for me. Part of my being willing to practice this program and stay sober. Makes me grateful. Thankful for all I have been given. What I owe my Higher Power and all those people who have helped me through the years.