One of the biggest tests in this program is called the bondage of self. After the bondage of alcohol is placed on hold, this is the next on the list. Of course in the Third Step Prayer we find ourselves asking our Higher Power to relieve us of this problem.
Dr. Harry Tiebout always encouraged us alcoholics to practice ego deflation in depth. Not an easy task for people like ourselves, who find our self centered nature part of what is wrong with us. I’m sure that all of our Steps, when put into action, assist us to get a handle on what is wrong with us, when it comes to our over sized egos. But regardless of our time in this program these problems with our egos will always be present.
It is one thing to experience the the freedom from our bondage to alcohol, when we have that spiritual awakening, which releases us from having to practice the insanity of drinking alcohol. That new freedom and new happiness in the Promises in the Ninth Step. I know just how clear that was to me, when I first came here. I’ve often been told that’s what happened to me, when I surrendered and begged the God of my understanding to help me to stop drinking and I promised Him I would do His will for me. And that was to come to this program and commit myself to doing what I would be asked. I didn’t know that at the moment, but I was freed from having to drink, which I had been suffering from over the years.
Fortunately we do have these Steps. From them we’re able to see ourselves as we really are. Then we receive the guidance to proceed into Steps which help us with what is wrong with us. And then as we go on and become willing to make amends we get a chance not to just see our faults, we’re able in some part to do something about them personally with those we have harmed. And then we’re given a mirror, the Tenth Step on a daily basis, to see our faults in action and then do something about them in the Eleventh. Added to that is the Twelfth, which helps us to get out of ourselves and to be of service to others, who need what we have.
That’s an oversimplification of what has gone on in my life since I first came here. I was thinking about this after we had talked about it today. And one of the things that struck me then was the fact that there is no cure for this disease we have. It will be with us until our lives end. So, I do have the rest of my life to deal with this over sized problem. I know through the years I have become more adjusted to accepting myself as I am and to facing what it is I must do on a daily basis to deal with who I am and what I am. In other words practicing these spiritual principles in all of my affairs and doing what I must to help maintain my sobriety.
Of course one the spiritual tools we have been given is compassion and caring for others. Doing for others what I can to help them is one way of getting out of myself. Attending meetings on a regular basis to be able to share what I have been given so freely with others like myself. And to also be open to what others have to give me. Part of the “two way street” mentality I have been able to develop over time. Often during meetings I find myself not spending time on thinking about me, even if it means going back and reviewing what it is that’s working for me.
Living with and working with others like myself helps me so much. It was all these people I met along the way, who have helped me to stay sober, but who have guided me in how to put this program into action. Just part of the package, which tells me that I cannot stay sober by myself. Just the interaction with my fellow alcoholics keeps me out of me for the most part. Of course I still have my faults and they can get me going from time to time, until I reach that point, where I need to take my inventory and correct whatever it is I need to and then renew my commitment to staying sober a day at a time.
That’s why I always love the Tenth Step. Knowing that whenever I’m disturbed it’s me who is in the wrong. I have learned over time that I have to stop and correct what went wrong. That often brings about a step into some kind of humility. And there it is. The need to practice humility whenever I have the opportunity. To step out of the way and allow my Higher Power to do for me what I can’t do for myself, whether it’s in prayer or in my actions.
Just taking time to sit and think about the subject the bondage of self.