I was thinking back to another time in the program, when someone quite spiritual said something about being quiet. She told me how to value those moments of quietude. Moments where I would be able to sit in silence in the presence of my Higher Power. Moments of being in conscious contact with the God of my understanding. And, she said, it didn’t matter where I was or who I was with.
She told me I could find that place on a crowded bus. Waiting on a crowded street corner. I could accomplish this, waiting in an office for an appointment. I could definitely do this, sitting in a meeting of AA. Anywhere, but driving a vehicle. I could definitely do it while running or walking. I know I could do it in my home, where silence and solitude is impossible to find at times. How do I know that? Because I have done it in every place I just mentioned.
I had a problem with this concept when I came in and for a long time after. When I was drinking I didn’t have that problem. I always was alone, even in the most crowded bar. When I stopped drinking I found it almost impossible to get away from those around me. For a while I felt almost overwhelmed with people and noise. Even when I was alone, the noise in my head made it almost impossible. I couldn’t seem to shut off my thoughts. I had to pay this, or mail that, or do such and such, or be wherever, or finish this or that. Thoughts of guilt and remorse, resentments, self pity, bad memories, or fears of the future, all conspired to occupy my head. Maintenance of a spiritual condition of any sort seemed out of reach.
But the practice of the twelve steps did lead me to sometimes at least think about what the eleventh step was trying to get me to do. Reading what it said in the 12&12 gave me some ideas of what I could attempt to do. But, what I was lacking was direction. Finally, after a few years I found that direction.
Where are we to find these people, who can give us direction? First that comes to mind is our sponsors, who, if for no other reason, can help us keep our feet planted firmly on the ground. Who else? Dr. Scott Peck said he had a hard ass little nun, who helped him. I had an ex nun, who was also a counselor. There are priests, ministers, rabbis and a number of others, who can at least refer us to a spiritual director. Bill pointed that out in the BB. He had Dr. Sam Shoemaker and Father Ed Dowling he talked to and found guidance through them. Like the book said, in spiritual matters it’s dangerous to go it alone.
Anyway, I was thinking about quiet today. Being quiet always settles me down and helps me to restore me to sanity and helps me to achieve serenity and peace of mind in a very noisy and busy world. It helps me stay sober and that’s why I came here to begin with.
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