How I sometimes go back to when I was fairly new in this program. Can’t tell when or how long I was in. Probably a few years. That’s when I was living alone and was getting used to living in solitude often, except for the meetings I went to.
It was at that time I studied and practiced what I was going after. And that was meditations. I tried so many of them back then. I can remember one or two members, who would come over and sit quietly and do the same. Often before we did, we discussed what we would do. And apparently it worked, as I recall.
Then, because of family illnesses, which led to the loss of my mother and younger brother, about a week apart, I had to move back north and have been here ever since. And that’s when my son sent me material on a form of meditation known as contemplation or contemplative prayer. Stepping aside in solitude and silence. No thoughts. Not easy, but often calmness.
I guess what I was thinking about was how, after I had been introduced to the Second Step and a Higher Power, my thoughts had changed on my seeking to live a spiritual way of life. I knew it was a life of prayer I needed to practice to grow along spiritual lines. But then I began to go back to a way of life I had lived before I became an active alcoholic. And that was the lessening of thoughts and words. Becoming willing to sit quietly and “listening”. Not an easy task, as I found out, but more peaceful.
Anyway, sometime during each day, I try to get to a point where I can step aside and concentrate on the Eleventh Step. That’s part of my focusing on staying sober a day at a time. Often in the late afternoon or early evening. I guess that’s where I am at the moment.
I know what makes it difficult is other people, who may step into the room I’m in and want to talk. And that often brings the thought to my mind about living a spiritual life. I know that I never think of myself as being a spiritual person. I know that I’m just another alcoholic, who is trying to stay sober a day at a time. Beyond that I never think about that. Just doing what I have been given. And I am grateful for that.